I'm at my worst when I am tired. I slept badly and woke up all bunged up and snotty simultaneously. When I've slept badly, I will take everything personally, feel full of anxiety, irrational dismay and I will not respond well to criticism. I will feel everything deeply and put up a defensive, prickly response to anything CBC says.
As I headed off to church this afternoon for the Advent carol service, I felt exhausted, miserable, irritated and ultimately furious at myself.
As I sat there, playing, singing, and preparing, in that beautiful environment of decorated cheer, tended by so many hands, something within me thawed.
I even managed to muster a laugh as during O Holy Night, I pointed to the Coda in P's music as I sang the high note and carried on singing as he choked with laughter on his saxophone at my brazen pointing out that he kept forgetting it!
Jesus coming was a fresh start.
Advent, a time for beginning again, resetting all that is wrong or feels wrong. Taking a pause, not always talking, but being part of it, playing a simple part.
And suddenly, the light is relit, it may be a tiny light, but it will grow and combine with all the other tiny lights to be a beautiful thing.
At the end of the service, P said, that I looked much better and I seemed much happier.
There will always be difficulties, pain and frustration, but there's always a second chance.
Leave all your frustations, pain and hurt at the the door.
Take a seat and listen.
Think and be there as you are.
And there you will find that all is well.
xxx
Linking with Ang for A Pause for Advent 2015
P.S.
PINK ALERT:
Are you bored of me yet???
I'm 90 behind the leader!! Getting closer, but only got till the 1st December!!!
P.S.In case, you missed it, I have entered Lady Vintage's Hall of Fame photo competition with my outfit and I would be SO grateful if you liked my outfit out of those who have entered enough to give it a like on Facebook. If your husband, boyfriend, cat, dog or significant other felt so inclined to take a look too, (like a few have!), I would be very grateful! (but working slowly towards second place) Waaaaah!!!!
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.864013323713000.1073741877.144939495620390&type=1&l=8c4891a181
If you wanted to share the album too, I wouldn't be adverse to that!!!
I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight, Kezzie. The church sounds like a lovely gathering place. I'm glad you feel better.
ReplyDeleteYou have a strong framework of love and wisdom built inside your heart. Bad moods will always invade, but your foundation is beautiful and true and nothing will ever truly shake it. Nice story to inspire this season.
ReplyDeleteI hate waking up all snotty! When I can't breathe at night I always feel horrendous the next day. I'm glad your day improved and I hope you're feeling better.
ReplyDeleteWonderful thoughts - Advent is indeed a time to pause, prepare ourselves, and to be ready for renewals.
ReplyDeletePS - I often miss codas too!
Gorgeous pink Dress, i love it :)
ReplyDeleteHave a great Start in the new week Kezzie, lots of Hugs!
I'm glad that you found some joy being at the Advent celebrations. I hope that you slept better last night.
ReplyDeleteWhen I feel like that I call it cranky.
You are doing fantastic at only 90 behind the leader. Hope you get some more votes.
Hugs,
JB
I think I'm feeling a bit like you - tired, in need of a rest, and constantly trying to ignore a low-level cold. 'Tis the season to be knackered! I'm glad your time in church helped you feel a little brighter - now, what will work for me?! xxx
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you found your way back :)
ReplyDeleteThere seems to be a wave of discontent at the moment, it's a funny time of year, the dark mornings and evenings, the cold, everyone is so busy. It's exhausting and we're told we're all supposed to be enjoying ourselves. Just being present is sometimes just the thing.
Despite not being a religious person, church always has that affect on me. I used to enjoy taking my class to mass because it was always time when I knew we would all just take time to reflect xx
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you found that the service helped you feel better. I often feel uplifted after a quiet period in Church when I am down - it seems to give me strength somehow!
ReplyDeleteOh and you are one nearer the leader!
Rebecca
Wise words dear Kezzie. Time spent in church was healing for you as it is for me. He winter blahs, I call it when the grumps descend for no real reason. I think we need a ray of sunshine to give us a lift - your words act as this too.
ReplyDeleteAnna
Anna's Island Style
Beautifully written!!! Sometimes we just need to step back and let the magic of Christmas help us find that inner light. It is always easy to give in to dark thoughts when we are tired, but if we keep our heart open, we will always find beautiful things to admire and respond to. Wise article!!!
ReplyDeleteI had a day like that a couple of weeks ago where I was frustrated with myself and my lack of progress (I've decided to go to a school reunion next year and it's brought mixed feelings), but then you emailed me and I can't tell you how much that cheered me up : )
ReplyDelete