Hey there!
I thought I'd share a little about the Marriage preparation course I am taking part in. When we first decided to get married at my church, my vicar said that we would have to complete a marriage preparation counselling course. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, some people had told me of different experiences. I was a little anxious, wondering how it would go but have gone into it. We are studying a guide called
Preparing for marriage by Boehi, Nelson, Schulte & Shadrach. General publisher Dennis Rainey.
It is biblically based and refers to God's equation for marriage. It is some 250 pages long and has taken a while to complete (still going) but it is incredibly useful and really gets you to think about things and why marry and the potential difficulties you may come across.
Today's session was on 'Building oneness' in particular, authentic communication.
The beginning of the chapter states:
The extent to which you can "listen to understand" and "express to be understood" will help determine the level of intimacy in your marriage.
It deals with proper listening habits, speaking principles, what to say and how to say it and when to communicate. A lot of it is common sense but it is so easy to not make the effort or not take the time to understand or be understood or to not do it. This spoke quite pertinently to me tonight as I have been struggling with being stressed really easily over getting things ready for the wedding. I have not communicated this too well and thus, I truly felt God was speaking to me here, in advance of our marriage, to help me with what I really needed to know right now! A lot that was positive came out of it and CBC and I felt we both knew a bit more about each other and how we need and want to communicate in our marriage.
The quotes that are very helpful include:
"But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger." James 1:19b(yep, very true- I need to think more before speaking in my stress)
"A wise man will hear and increase in learning, a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel" Proverbs 1:5 (advice is cruical if not sure what to do!)
"When there are many words, transgressio is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise" Proverbs 10:19 (sometimes I really just need to shut up!)
"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven... a time to be silent and a time to speak" . Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 7b (again sometimes I just need to stress in my head!)
I loved this quote (p151):
Listening is hard work. It requires hearing with more than our ears -we use our eyes and our hearts as well. That is why authentic communicatin requires proper listening habits."
I'm looking forward to having this book as a manual to refer to (in addition to prayer!) when I am married as it is really helpful! I am also looking forward to finishing it!
