Fake Grass

This is real.

Is this a new phenomenon or am I very late to the game? I've only recently become aware of its existence.  I've encountered it a few times when going to view houses.

In some ways it seems a neat solution- Never have to mow your grass again; grass always looks beautiful; easy to clean up dog mess; nice for children to play on it: I've heard all these accolades for it.

Do I like it?

No. An emphatic NO!

For one, I do think that with SO much of our world being plasticized- where is it going to end?  Ok, so it has the attributes listed above.  And convenience for a busy life.  But surely, fake grass is not going to encourage our flora and fauna- can insect nestle truly happily amidst fake grass?  I don't really think so.

It just seems laziness gone a step too far. With the increasing urbanisation of our world, I think very little bit of green that we can keep is crucial.  Surely Photosynthesis is happening when grass is growing- every bit of grass helps to produce clean, fresh oxygen and converts the Carbon Dioxide that increases Global warming.  I said this to an Estate Agent once. He was being all smarmy and he said, "Oh everyone has fake grass nowadays. Isn't it so much better?"  I couldn't let it go.  I replied (and I didn't have this planned).  "No,I think it is wrong- surely it is our moral duty in the world as it stands with increasing pollution, to preserve as much green, particularly our own patch of green, as much as possible." He went a bit quiet after that, as did the owners, who were lazing on the sofa in the other room (I didn't want to buy the house anyway).   My opinion has made me put my foot in it again- I was recounting this story to CBC's sister's in-laws and then it transpired that they were getting a patch of fake grass.  Oops. Though, I hope I made them think.  I was listening to the radio which talked about a study which said that the flying insect population (In Germany) has decreased by 75% over the last 25% years.  Obviously a lot is to do with insecticides probably, but I can't help feeling a decline in natural habits is contributing too.

It just feels that we are trying to make our world fake.  I want the children I teach to get dirty and muddy in real grass, real fields, real gardens and grass. To experience the feel of cool grass under bare feet. We all know we feel better when surrounded by green. Yes, you can still have beds with plants around it- but I do feel that real grass is much better.

Also, for the record, I dislike paved-over gardens too as they contribute to flooding and mean that the natural water-table cannot be renewed so easily in that area.

My friend lives in a house which had fake grass when she bought it.  (she intends to cull it when she has the money) She says that the weeds still grow through it and it is a nightmare to keep it intact whilst removing weeds.  Surely,if you have fake grass and it grows tired, you will have to replace it eventually.  And what happens? The old fake grass ends up in landfill.  Whereas real grass ends up in the compost and contributes to the lifecycle.  Perhaps there is an argument about the power needed for a lawnmower that could be countered against my argument- that is a fair point- but still, I would prefer that.

Where is the making everything artificial in our world going to end?

What do you think of fake grass?

xx

I want to be a vegetarian

I struggle.

In my heart of hearts, I want to be a vegetarian.  I want to stop eating meat and not contribute to the meat industry or at least, just eat fish if I need to.  CBC doesn't eat meat now, he eats some fish but no meat.  I only eat meat out and on many occasions, I also eat vegetarian. I like veggie alternatives, particularly tofu and tempeh and various forms of soya (but not Quorn!) and I enjoy pulses and beans.

But I can't seem to make the full transition.

I regret this.

Today, one of the other musicians at church was saying she had prepared a roast chicken for lunch as we didn't have much time between the morning service and the afternoon practice for the carol service. I hadn't had any breakfast at this time and I was thinking of Roast Chicken all through the service.  I never cook a roast or meat just like this since as mentioned, CBC doesn't eat meat, only fish, and I just don't cook it.  On my way home, I called into Aldi and I bought a tray of Free-range Chicken drum sticks and thighs. I wanted to buy free-range so I was limited to buying this tray with 7 pieces in it.  I didn't want chicken breasts as they have less flavour.  All the dinner was prepared, I'd cooked leeks, roasted potatoes AND sweet potatoes. Cavalo Nero and French beans. I cooked the chicken and as I ate it, I'd eaten half of one piece of chicken and I didn't want anymore.  I just couldn't face it.  I ended up eating 3 pieces because I will not waste anything and I have an additional 4 for tomorrow.
When I actually cook it, I don't enjoy it.

Cut to tomorrow night and I ate three pieces of chicken (one is still left) and I really didn't enjoy eating it.

Yet, if there is a small amount of meat in something, I seem to enjoy it and crave it.  Small chicken pieces in noodles.

I know there are a lot of ethical reasons why I shouldn't and don't want to eat meat. Maybe I should just go for it.

But then I also don't want to be a pain when visiting family and friends...

I guess, what I need to do is just keep my meat eating minimal yet there's a part of me that feels I should go the whole hog (forgive the meat based idiom).

What do you think?

If you're a veggie, I'd appreciate your views AND if you are a firm meat-eater!

xx

TV or not TV?

It's now been well over 3 years since I have had a TV.  If I looked at myself as a child and saw I was a person who didn't own a TV, I would be utterly bamboozled. EVERYONE has a TV, don't they?  I remember meeting a girl as a teenager at a Science and engineering course at Imperial college as a teenager, who didn't have one and my friends and I were really confused by it.

Why did it happen, you may ask?

It may have escaped your notice, but I am not the most embracive of new technology. I really have no yen to own the latest technology- I am perfectly happy to make do with anyone's old cast-offs (and my laptop and phone are exactly that). Somehow, I was perfectly happy with my old 5 channel, portable (ha!) TV with 5 buttons to press. I didn't get a digi-box.  And then on the 24th October 2012, they switched off the old Analogue signal.  I often cited myself as 'The last analogue rebel' as I refused to give into buying a box. I'm not sure why really, I just didn't want to.

Going digital would mean new complicated remote controls (what ARE all those buttons for), I never understood those at other peoples' houses. I am a relatively intelligent person, I have all A GCSEs, 6 A levels, a degree, a PGCE, a music diploma and multiple other musical qualifications but I just don't get remote controls.

Have I missed TV?

Well, yes.

I miss being able to have it on the background as I do work. CBC and I would, I suspect, spend more time together on the sofa if we did.

At the same time though, I am quite sure I would fritter lots of time away watching things that really aren't worth my time.

Right now, I only really watch things on BBC iPlayer if we are eating our dinner. The Apprentice, Great British Bakeoff, Doctor Who mainly. Those are all short term programmes. I don't waste time on programmes just because they are on.

Yet, I think I waste time on the internet anyway.

It's worth pointing out that we've saved lots of money on television licenses etc.

The reason I am now bringing this up is because where we are moving to, the kind friends who own the bungalow have offered us the TV.

I'm undecided. He says they will get rid of the TV if we don't take it which immediately guilts me into wanting to keep it. Can't stand the thought that something might possibly be useless.

It would be nice to have a TV again.

But then, I don't want to waste time.

We could be saving the TV License money towards our own house.

It would be nice to have one.

But I haven't really missed one.

Undecided. I have about a week or so to decide.

Any thoughts? What would you do??

xxx

Alcohol and me

Alcohol!!! It's a staple of many lives and provides a whole industry and employment base. It causes enjoyment, fun and at the same time, can devastate lives. It divides many people in different cultures and unites others.

I thought I'd write a little about my relationship with alcohol.  As many of you will have read, or know, or probably don't know, I don't really drink.  I'm not a tee-totaller as very occasionally, I will drink something, but largely, I steer clear.  This has, in the past, made some people regard me with bafflement and in some cases a little suspicion. I had a boss who really couldn't understand it and told me that people don't trust people who don't drink when they are and that if I just kept drinking, I'd acquire a taste for it. He used to go on and on at me if the subject of alcohol came up.

As a child, my parents drank around me, and it was never taboo, they'd always offer to let us try things. My older sister really liked most things she tried, whereas I would try with a look of abject disgust and then later on, refuse it, knowing that I would not enjoy it.

It wasn't until I was a teenager, that alcopops came out.  I tried an orange hooch at a party and quite liked it.  I would then have one or two of these at parties or if we went out.  However, I'd never have more than two or very occasionally three because it did seem to me that it was a bit of a waste of money (I earnt all my money through working in a chip shop, dog-walking and occasional gigs- I didn't get given any for going out).  I wanted to spend my spare money on clothes since I bought those myself mainly and also saved for University. I always hated the idea of having no money so I was determined to save it when I had it. Also, I was always absolutely determined not to appear drunk or as an idiot. Furthermore, the idea of being sick from alcohol was utterly abhorrent for me. I really hated being sick.

When I got to University, again, I earnt all my own money and my student loan was strictly for buying my flutes and eventually my year in Bali.  I drank a few drinks at the student union but I tended to find I absolutely hated wine and beer- so bitter and foul (liquid fart if you want me to be totally honest), though I would drink some white wine to be social,  and those fruity drinks such as Archers, Bacardi Breezers, Metz and even cider were just too sweet for me, I could only drink a little.

There were two occasions at University where I experienced the nasty side of alcohol. At a party nearing the end of my First year, I drank some Hock wine with my friend and then realising I was a little drunk, I grabbed what I thought was a glass of water of hers and gulped it down, which turned out to be neat Vodka- I was SO ill after that drink and blacked out for much of the evening. A scary experience.

The second occasion was in my third year, I went to the same person's party and was not very well though I didn't drink much.  That kind of sealed it for me.

Throughout my study, I would have 1, 2 or 3 drinks when we went out (maybe after a concert, maybe every other week or so) but not always alcohol. Again, I was so aware of the amount of money I had and I loved buying clothes. My Mum couldn't bail me out if I had got into debt, I had to be responsible.

The final nail in my coffin of alcohol-drinking was going to study in Bali.   Before I went, I thought about my situation. I was a girl by myself in a foreign country a LONG way from home. I had no idea of what life would be like and I decided it wouldn't be safe for me to drink at all when I was there.   I was in a foreign country alone and didn't want any opportunity for not being in control of myself there .  And do you know what,  I didn't miss it at all.  To be fair, all that you could get there cheaply was nasty, yucky Bintang beer  (Beer- I detested) and horrid Arak- femented rice drink. I wasn't missing anything. If I had bought imported alcohol on the rare occasions I went out to tourist areas, it would totally mess with my very strict food and drink budget and I valued being able to eat and enjoy my food rather than drinking alcohol just to be social.  

When I returned from Bali, I decided there was no point in drinking for me then on.  I realised I've never really liked that bitter taste that it has and I could have a lovely tasting alcohol-free drink for cheaper!  Why pay more money for something I'm not really fond of just to be 'socially acceptable.'  And who cares if people think I was boring, if I can't be myself around people without alcohol, then I'm not sure I want to be around those people.  Mind you, even when out, I don't have loads of soft drinks, as again it feels like a waste unless I am actually thirsty. Too much sweet stuff is just too much for me.  As I said, I not tee-total, occasionally, I might have a glass of Pimms (nice!) at a wedding and grimacing over the toasting wine or one cocktail or a glass but that is very very seldom as London-prices are extortionate! One, very very rarely would be enough.

As a Christian too, I do not want to be beholden to anything that would control my behaviour negatively or otherwise and so this is just another reason that I prefer to avoid it.  

Furthermore, I am aware of just how much money I save through my not drinking.  Not having a drink on those occasions I go out will mean being able to afford something else I want instead.  Plus, several friends have told me the wine is what they think increases their waistline. Whether that's true or not, I like to think I am holding off any potential weight-gain.

I am not against other people drinking, that is their business - though as an aside I find the whole 'going out just to get hammered' a little wasteful and pointless.  I have known two people I really like die from alcohol poisoning being alcoholics- one was my childhood-next door neighbour- he predeceased his parents- he was such a nice man and it was such a waste. Another was the husband of a friend. I immediately clocked his alcoholism within weeks of getting to know him. He died too, around 3 years after I first met him and I just found it futile that they essentially killed themselves.  Two other people (another neighbour) and another friend's husband both have similar alcoholic tendencies- I can see it happening again and that makes me sadder than I can say.  When I see alcoholics on the street, homeless or otherwise, decent people who have become prey to a liquid, that really gets to me.

So that's my take on alcohol- something I would  rather avoid due to personal preference, financial reasons, experience of others and  A bit rambly but tells you my picture.

What about you? What's your take on it?

The lights go out at midnight.

The station clock showed 23.52 and few people alighted the train. Bearing a heavy bag full of flute, piccolo, school work and more, I walked down the hill, my feet sore and tired from a day of feet heating up in tight shoes.  As I reached the roundabout, bottom of one hill, I glanced at my phone- 23:59.  Seconds later, all the street lights went out except those on the roundabout.  Heart pounding, I sped up my pace to a hastier rate and continued my lonely sojourn up the hill towards home.  As the roundabout became a distant memory, I was left alone with purely the pounding of my heels and of a heart that was in my mouth.  Hoping for the company of foxes, to no avail- bin day was the previous day- those sensible fellows snug and cosy in their dens.  With the glow of my only lantern- the torch app of a Smart Phone I once scorned, I continued- spinning its light in all directions to check for prowlers or bush-lurkers.  The welcome light of the second roundabout in my journey loomed closer, like a welcome beacon, alas only a fleeting companion. The journey turned more treacherous. Away from main roads, now my path became a silent alley/walkway- the opportunities of malevolent lurkers grew.  The torch jolted from side-to-side, spying out any nooks and crannies. So close, so nearly home! Finally, I rounded the corner to my street- silent and observant.  My plod turned to creeping and I neared home.  A light shining out of this dark place, barren of all other light- Moon, hidden, stars forbidden.  Up the path. Keys jangle. Finally, safe.  Home.

****

On Tuesday night, due to orchestra finishing at 10, my having to tidy up after the refreshments, I did not manage to reach my hometown station until 23:52.  Then, a 20 minute walk home.  My local council have made the decision to turn the streetlights off (except for the roundabout) at midnight until 5/6 in the morning to save money, raise money.  In theory I think this is a brilliant idea- so much electricity wasted in a million lights on around the country, particularly in offices- it makes me incensed!  BUT, after that initial joy, whilst the trains still run, there are still people needing to get home.  They could get a taxi, but that's a cost that I really don't want to have to pay every time I am late home from orchestra. I didn't want to have to drag CBC out so late though he would have come if awake.  My home town is pretty safe- I didn't meet a soul through that residential zone and was able to return home unharmed. However, it doesn't stop the thoughts! Perhaps the council need to keep those lights on till 1 at least (the last train is after 1) to ensure that people can get home safely? They could turn them on an hour later?

I don't know- what are your thoughts on this?  Has anyone else's council made any moves like this?
xx

The eternal mystery of Smarties

Image taken from here

As Lent is now over, I am free to eat chocolate and crisps to my heart's content again. My sister bought me a box of Smarties (For our lovely international readers who may have not tried Smarties- they are essentially a sort of M&M's- bigger and flatter, without a letter on top- they used to come in tubes which could be turned into panpipes if you blew across the top) for my birthday in February which I haven't been able to eat.  The box is just like the ones they used to (and probably still do) sell at our local theatre when I was a child/teen.  Oh, the joy of going to the glass fronted, wooden-paneled booth at our local theatre to choose which box of sweets- would it be the jelly babies- most delicious but alas, few given and eaten quickly; Smarties- lots of them but they always melted and became shiny and sticky; Fruit gums- lasted for AGES but really annoying as you had to suck them and couldn't chew if you got frustrated; Fruit pastilles- the best of all worlds- lots of them, could be chewed or sucked and didn't melt: Still, I didn't always choose them.

BUT, I digress! Back to the main point.  As I opened this nostalgic box of Smarties, the age old eponymous question occurred to me: WHY do only the orange Smarties have a distinctive taste?  They were always my favourite as they tasted of orange (and I've just checked- they STILL do).  Why were all the other Smarties just that generic chocolate, Smartie flavour?  There was a brief spate of time in my life when I believed that the (at the time) newly-introduced blue ones had their own flavour.  Do you remember that they replaced the light brown variety?  When I was very young, there used to be a light brown AND a dark brown variety.   There was a time when they introduced the white Smartie- white chocolate (but still no special flavour).

Nowadays, the colourings are made from (in the words of the Maker) "from Nature's colourful palette"
(For the sake of transparency, they come from the following: Red= hibiscus fruit; purple= red cabbage; yellow= lemon;  green= Spirulina; pink= radish; brown= black carrot)
and the colours are less lurid than their '80's counterparts, but the mystery remains, the orange ones still taste of orange (there's orange oil in the ingredients list), but ALL the others are equal.

WHY did Nestle only choose to flavour the orange ones?????


It seems only Smarties have the answer....

Sick Day

I was off school for the past two days and felt dreadful. A cough sprang from literally no where on Sunday night (you know you usually get a gradual unwell feeling that grows- not in this case).  I didn’t sleep and then it pervaded all through Monday- a real hacking, squeaking cough that wouldn’t leave me alone. Tuesday, I gradually felt worse, the cough rendering speaking, shouting and singing really difficult.  When I didn’t sleep on Tuesday night, I woke up on Wednesday feeling so dreadful, nose now completely bunged up, splitting headache from the coughing and blocked synuses so  that I phoned my Deputy head to say I wasn’t going to come in.   All day Wednesday, I slept most of the day, waking occasionally and then sleeping.  But in those waking moments, I felt really guilty, worried about the lessons I was missing, worrying about the implications of cover and then those feelings of worrying people thinking, “Why’s she being so pathetic over a cough?”, “She should have dragged herself in.” especially after I was sent home last week (over some other health issue).  CBC came home later and I felt guilty that I’d had the day off, I hadn’t done anything useful but slept and rested- but why?

And I always feel like this, whenever I don’t make it in.  To be fair, I’m usually only off for 1-3 days a year, which is perhaps too much, but in my job, I really do seem to pick up all the bugs, especially at this time of year and if I don’t take a day, then I struggle on for months.  The vicar’s wife always used to comment on this, how things seem to linger with me through the early months of a year.  Most of the time I battle on through them, but sometimes it’s just too much and I know my body.  Primary music teaching is really physical, (well any teaching is) – I need my voice ALL the time and singing is the WORST thing you can do on a sore throat – I worry that I have nodules on my vocal chords after the battering I have given them. 30 children need lots of encouragement, constant impetus and leading, keeping on track (when doing whole class and group work),leading at the piano, leading vocally, modelling, supporting.  The sound level with a headache, is usually horrendous- you can’t have a quiet music lesson, apart from a listening lesson and you can’t make primary pupils do that for an entire hour!

When my deputy phoned to ask if I’d be in on Thursday, I said to her that I really still didn’t feel well and I apologised profusely, at which point she said, “You know, it’s ok to be ill and to take the time to get better.”  And it struck me- these feelings of guilt, inadequacy and worries of people doubting me- they’re all completely stupid and hinder getting better. I think in these times, we are all afraid to admit we’re ill, afraid to take the time to get better that we need.  Somehow, it’s been drafted into us that we aren’t allowed to be ill, aren’t allowed to show weakness or take the time to get better. Society dictates that we must be well and deal with things in our own time.  We are doubted – is she/he really ill?

A blogger I really like lots was recently off work for a while with a horrid health issue.  And some horrid anonymous commenter left a couple of comments basically doubting that she was actually sick and hinting that her boss should look at her blog which I thought was typical of this approach to thinking about illness nowadays- doubting someone and wondering why they are not at work.  Ladies and gentlemen, people need recovery time- they might not always ‘look’ physically ill, but they can be and generally are!!

Anyway, I went in on Friday.  Yep, I don’t feel better but I sure feel better than I would have done had I struggled through work for the past 2 days.

What about you?  How do you feel about being ill and having to take time off?  Do you feel the guilt and worry about it?  

Splitting the Bill

After my discussion about the demise of the RSVP, I thought I'd bring you another topic I have been thinking about to find out what you think.

I went out for lunch for a birthday. It was pleasant, with people I really like.  I ate Udon and vegetable and prawn tempura. It was quite nice.  I then followed it with a Chrysanthemum tea.  I drank water because that's what I drink at home usually with my meal and I'm not particularly bothered about drinking anything else. Even though I am out for a treat, I'm not extravagant for the sake of extravagance (especially with a wedding to save for).  The bill came to the table and I, knowing my portion had come to £12 when I'd ordered, fished the money out, plus a 10% tip (£1.50 or so) and thought, 'I am sorted, I don't need to faff with cards or change'.  Then someone said, "That's £25 each.".  At which point, I looked down at my money and thought, "I am now going to have to double what I've put here,". 

And this, ladies and gentlemen (Adam, WOMOTM, Chris of the Chrlog, Stev/phen, CBC) is where I find myself in a dilemma.

Because I am so rarely a drinker, or don't buy expensive drinks or don't always have a dessert or extras and often go for a veggie or smaller option, I invariably end up getting stung with splitting the bill! CBC's birthday last year I ended up paying out £30 for a £9 meal (!!!!) and everytime I end up feeling really uptight and cross (when I am embarassed this is how it translates).  Today, I obviously looked disgruntled/dismayed/askew because either CBC or someone else asked if I had enough (and then people started saying, "Oh CBC and Kezzie could pay a little less because they didn't have starters (we came late) and we could all put in a pound more," at which point I feel a complete cad if I take it up (but also- how much is a little less more? How much was a starter? This is all so unclear as it invariably is when someone throws a comment like this into the equation! Nobody ever states anything specific) and I threw across my £25 to the pile.  CBC started saying to me, "Don't worry Kezzie, I'll put in a bit extra and you can pay less," which of COURSE I didn't want him to do, because he doesn't have much money and why should he have to pay more for me.  He then took back £10 of mine (based on the CBC and K pay less) and he himself put in £28 (which then confused matters because someone thought only one of us had paid because of the card) which he gave to me later (I didn't understand what .was going on at the time and was confused when they said something about CBC only putting in £15 and then his card. 

(I'm sorry if anyone who was there ends up reading this but I wanted to put it out there for debate)

Now, I feel mean saying this, I really do and I'd feel mean saying anything about it, it really does feel .  I feel embarassed about it- because it is embarassing to say, "Look guys, can we just pay for what we had," or, "Er, actually, I don't want to pay for someone else's food," (if out with people, I am happy to say in certain situations, "I will pay," but it's the assumption or the not thinking that I find hard in these situations!  And the silly thing is, in most situations, people I usually go out for dinners with are usually friends, and I am quite sure (at least I hope!) , if they knew the situation and I could state it clearly, would be fine with paying our own.

But the thing is, I wish there could be a vote in each situation, I wish people could say, "Shall we split the bill or pay for what we had?" because then that embarassment would be avoided, especially with friends.  Because I find it really hard to speak out, I really do- I know it's then my own fault for not speaking out, but you look like a meanie, I felt a meanie, I felt selfish, I feel selfish, I feel bad and guilty about it everytime it happens.  Even if I had the most expensive meal (probably more so, in fact, I have in the past- said, "No, I had more, I should pay more," which is funny that I can mention it when I don't look like a meanie!) I would still want to pay my portion. I do think every meal should be dealt with case by case.  I know it's done for ease of getting on with it, or because we/you are a group of friends etc and it comes from the 'My round thing' but I do find it hard. Especially not being a drinker- I don't drink much of anything when I go out!  Money was very tight during my childhood- I was blessed with so many opportunities and things to do in my childhood and always had what I needed, but food and drink was something that we didn't spend loads of money on, much of my diet was based on allotment produce.  My Mum didn't have much and she gave us so sacrificially and these experiences do make us who we are. I have experienced debt and I don't like it!
Perhaps I am feeling sensitive regarding financial matters at the moment because I feel like CBC thinks I am a complete meanie (he doesn't because he has a kind and understanding heart- however the devil whispers in your ear!) , Scrooge, cheapskate, whatever, over the wedding because I keep saying, to everything he says, "But how much will that cost?" or "How are we going to pay for that?" because we already have an idea of how much we're going to spend and we don't have enough even with our saving plan, but I do believe that I am realistic and I hope that I will always live within my means.  I don't mean to sound like I don't want to spend ANY money but I feel that, by saying it, at least we are consciously thinking about it and not getting so wrapped up in the 'I want' that we forget to be realistic! I am digressing here away from the main subject so I will shut up but I'd love to know what you think about the issue of splitting the bill?!

Yes or no?