Forgiveness each day.

Forgiveness is a hard one.  It is the BIG point on which my faith is based.  Jesus died to forgive my sins and calls on me to do that.   I realised today, that I constantly have to forgive in my job.  I am always positive here about my job and those I teach.  But frequently, I have to forgive and offer a fresh start to troublesome selected children who think it is their life's work to ruin my lessons, to hurt other children, to lie and cheat, to cheat and steal.   I teach them them once a week (unless they are in a club) and have them for assembly.

When you get particularly spiteful, malicious or aggressive children who you have to say the same things to day in, day out, week in, week out, month in, month out, year in year out and in my case, for about 6-8 years, the process can be draining and utterly, utterly frustrating.  Sometimes, when I think about children I teach who I know I will have at last another 3 or 4 years of, even one year more, it does become very hard.  Because,I have to give them a fresh start every time and see them do the same mean, hurtful and downright rude things over and over again (it makes me think how hard it must be to be God!) it just occasionally gets to me.
I had two things today that really upset me.  One pupil, I (and other colleagues) have had a LOT of awful issues with over the years - his current teacher has taught him for 2 years consecutively, every day. The thing that gets me is that he is INTELLIGENT. His family love him, he has been given a lot, he supposedly has a Faith. But the way he treats adults and children is awful, the complete leech-like attention-seeking, the rudeness, the constant barrage of interruptions. I had to put up with 10 minutes of him SHOUTING rudely over the top of 30 recorders playing at me. Not getting the hint that he needed to put his hand up, not understanding that his little petty issues were not the centre of the universe and then having the audacity (I'd given him attention and told him off 20 times before this point) to call out, "Are you deaf or something?" to me. I've forgiven him weekly for 3 years so far. Sometimes, I am just SICK of it.
(surprisingly, he did say sorry to me as I walked past him at the end of school. That never happens.)

The other issue was that another class, for some reason, walk through my music room on their way out.  I have asked them to go another way in the past, but some teachers walk them through.  When I returned to the Music Room at 5.15pm-ish, I discovered my Brompton bike knocked over onto a drum with about 8 scratches down the front of it, 2 of them deep down to the metal.   I caught my colleague in the car park and she said the other children told her that a boy had knocked it over (you would have had to go out of your way to push it to knock it over as it was folded on its back wheels.). He completely denied it. I will have to investigate tomorrow.  I'm so furious that my lovely, new bike has received such treatment.  This isn't the first occasion that a class coming from that room has damaged things in the Music Room. Children ran through and knocked down an entire pile of glockenspiels once when I was actually in there.  I am pretty sure, the only teacher who still walks them through there is the other PPA teacher. Their teacher goes another way.

My choir rehearsal was constantly interrupted by 4 naughty boys who won't shut up.  EVERY. WEEK. this happens. And they just treat it as a joke.

These are just a few incidents.  Generally, I enjoy my job a good amount of the time.  Teaching is about constantly forgiving and giving fresh new starts.  Every day is a new day.  Every lesson, a new lesson. A fresh chance, a clean slate and a mantle of forgiveness.  Understanding family difficulties, understanding special needs and adapting to individuals is a crucial part of this.  I do this and I will and must continue to strive to do this. As part of my faith, I do and must do this.  As a human being who knows how the Earth must live, survive and be peaceful, I do this.  As a dedicated teacher, I will and do do this.
But remember, no one ever said forgiveness was easy.   Yes,  occasionally, my heart is heavy, tears fill my eyes and I confess, occasionally, it is hard.

Hope you had a lovely day.
xx

Simplicity

Much as I am a serial hoarder and delight in many things, it is the simple things that delight me truly.  It might be something small, but it brightens my day and casts a golden hue on proceedings in a wholly wonderful way.

The flute recital went very well and it was so delightful to be there. To be playing in that beautiful venue. To be friends with and play with such great musicians. To revel in the beautiful echo and resonance of such a well acoustically-constructed venue. I have a good flute tone but to hear it enhanced by that space, that is wonderful. 

The sheer unexpected joy of discovering that my church music friend (who are incidentally, my landlords), had come to watch the recital, despite the fact that I only emailed them last night.

The fun of choosing a kettle with my flute pal A- giggling over ruby-slippers kettles.

Sheer euphoria at remembering that Pak Choi existed as my eyes fell on it in the supermarket visit with her and pouncing on it eagerly, like a cat cornering a mouse.  Childish glee as I used my spiralizer which is essentially feels like sharpening a large pencil on a courgette.  The final delight as I cooked a green stir-fry which tasted outstanding.  Smug appreciation of courgette flowers staying clear of slugs.  Awe at the array of flame-hued roses that continue to deign to exist in my garden and the unexpected appearance of scarlet miniature roses.  Bliss at reclining the garden reading a murder mystery book whilst sipping mint tea from my own plants, freshly brewed with a lurid accompaniment of paprika Pringles whilst barefeet wriggled in the grass; the incredulity of seeing the accelerated growth of one cucumber overnight and the glee of harvesting ruby-red tomatoes; meeting my friend's husband and discovering what a lovely man he is and hoping that he and CBC will meet and like each other.  Being able to listen and hear a confidence over someone's difficulties and knowing I was able to listen and someone trusted me to share.  The amazement of an afternoon tea being produced from someone's freezer in minutes and sharing it in her garden; the soaring sensation in my heart when I see someone's sea glass finds on a beach on instagram.  The sun late into the evening.

All these things I treasure. It is the simple things that can make you smile, sigh and think that life can be beautiful and it doesn't have to be something over the top. I thank God for all of these.

Appreciate life, all the small moments; they add up to an ocean of joy!

xx 

The day of 4 rainbows

In my previous rainbow outfit post, I talked about 2 childhood memories connected to rainbows.  Aren't they beautiful?  I love the biblical symbol of a rainbow being a promise. A promise of God never sending another cataclysmic flood like that.   I took this photo of a rainbow in Basildon a year ago or so and have finally managed to get it off my phone via bluetooth, CBC's smartphone, to my e-mail and then my flickr!

Anyway, have you ever seen one of those days where you get two rainbows?  One fairly bright one and then a secondary, paler. According to Wiki

In a double rainbow, a second arc is seen outside the primary arc, and has the order of its colours reversed, red facing toward the other one, in both rainbows. This second rainbow is caused by light reflecting twice inside water droplets.

 Those days are few and far between- I've only ever seen that a few times (once fairly recently, when I was in Basildon) but it's extra special.  Well, there was one extraordinary day when I was in primary school where I saw something extra special.  It had been a rainy day and I was coming out the main office entrance from school, not the usual gate entrance, when I looked up into the sky, where now there was sunshine.  And there was not one, but FOUR rainbows.  Literally 4 arcs across the sky.

I remember being wildly excited.  I had no idea this could occur (and as I've discovered, it's very rare!).  The first one (the primary one) was of the most intense hues I had ever seen, it was almost solid in its colour.  The secondary one was fairly strong compared to normal but much paler and then the third one was much lighter and the fourth one very very vague, barely visible but still perceivable.   I was transfixed.  In retrospect, that must have been a very auspicious day.  Alas, but for a camera image, it just has to stay as a closely-treasured memory in the keepsake box of my mind.

Never again have I seen more than 2.  As I thought about rainbows on Tuesday,  I looked at WIki again to find out about it

Tertiary and quaternary rainbows:

In addition to the primary and secondary rainbows which can be seen in a direction opposite to the sun, it is also possible (but very rare) to see two faint rainbows in the direction of the sun. These are the tertiary and quaternary rainbows, formed by light that has reflected three or four times within the rain drops, at about 40° from the sun (for tertiary rainbows) and 45° (quaternary). It is difficult to see these types of rainbows with the naked eye because of the sun's glare, but they have been photographed; definitive observations of these phenomena were not published until 2011.

So I saw something really rare and special.  I treasure it.
Have you ever seen a multiple rainbow?  How do you feel about them?


References; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainbow#Multiple_rainbows
http://www.atoptics.co.uk/rainbows/bowims.htm  An amazing gallery of rainbows
http://www.atoptics.co.uk/rainbows/ord34.htm Accounts of 3rd and 4th order rainbows

A pause for Advent 2: Madness, lies or the truth?

"Logic!" said the Professor to himself.  "Why don't they teach logic at these schools?  There are only three possibilities.  Either your sister is telling lies, or she is mad, or she is telling the truth.  You know she doesn't tell lies and it is obvious that she is not mad.  For the moment then and unless any further evidence turns up we must assume she is telling the truth."

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, p47-8.

We were discussing what we believe and why we believe it in my home study group on Wednesday. The following came up, which I feel is important for Advent.  Knowing what you believe or even if you are not sure, thinking about it and knowing why you believe.  Taking this time to reflect on your beliefs:

Jesus is/was a real historical figure.  He existed and is not some mythical creation. He is talked of in histories by his contemporaries (including those who were hostile to him and his message) including the Roman writings of Tacitus (the greatest historian of Ancient Rome) , Seutonius, Thallus and Pliny, and the Jewish writings of Josephus and the Talmud.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080612050321AAp9n9I


But who is he?  He can only be one of three things.

a) a madman.
b) a liar and somebody evil
c) exactly who he said he was.  The Son of God.

If a) then, why have a million people followed him, a myriad of poems been written about it. Why was he not found out? Why did many people believe him and not others. Why was he not written about as such?

If b) he caused the death of millions of people who were persecuted because of him, why thus did they continue to follow him and believe?

c) If he is neither of the above, then he can only be exactly what he called himself.  He can't just have been a good man, because a Goodman does not lie about who they are thus becoming the cause of many deaths in his name, he would not have been good then. If he was a Goodman, then he must have been telling the Truth and he is who he said he was.

Relating to who we/I/you believe who he is, I was given a 'Daily celebration of praise' calendar by a Secret Santa at school 4 years ago.  The entry for today, December the 9th states:

"His life is the lught that shines through the darkness."  John 1:5 TLB
Jesus is the central personality of history, and whether Christmas is canned or canonized, packaged in ribbon and sold for profit or sanctified in a cathedral where humble souds worship, He is the inescapable Christ.  The fury of opposition to His praise seeks to ban pageantry and sterilize holy celebration to suit the antagonism of organized unbelief.
But Jesus keeps rising again.
Every Christmas turns out to be an Easter
Jesus is still the King of kings.  There's no getting away from it...anywhere!

(These words come from the Daily praise calendar from www.dayspring.com )

I hope you gave a blessed week!

xx

Live life to the full! (and 10 thanks)



Sunset in Florence.  I didn't manage to complete the Scavenger hunt in time for Sophie's Scavenger hunt, but thought I'd share this one.

 Did you read the Metro today.  Apparently there was an article about children who live in a remote area who, in order to get to school, have to climb a tight-rope walk style rope bridge in order to reach their school.  One false move and they will fall to their peril.  Yet they face the challenge daily, not even batting an eyelid, with alacrity even. It is their life and they accept the challenge and continue to strive to get where they need to.  They want to live their life to the full.

How can I live my life to the full?  This doesn't mean busying myself with all sorts of busyness and activities, but looking for what is the right way to live my life.  For me, it is important, that as a Christian, I try to live life, accepting that it IS hard, and it IS tiring and difficult and messy, and yet facing it, trying to be loving, trying to show the love that my Lord has for me and living the way he wants me to live my life.  I am not doing a very good job of that.  Yet, I will not give up, I know that what it is that God wants and I know that if I did things his way, I'd probably be living it life to the full and I want some of that action!  For when I put my mind looking at it in God's way, I should read his word and see it really is living life to the full- I attain a mere 10th of what I could be and what I do live is   Now that, if you are not a Christian, you may think big-deal.  That's fine.  But when I actually look at how God wants me to live my life in the Bible, when I read it, think on the words within, it really is simple.  It is different from the way the world looks at how to live our life and what it tells us should be the way to live our life.  I just wanted to put my stream of consciousness here- I felt because I've said it here, I think about it- it's weird, sharing it with other people makes me think about it more!  I just wanted to put this out there, I felt compelled to write it, does it make any sense or am I waffling?

This leads nicely onto one of my favourite things, finding things I am thankful for:

1.  My CBC- I am smiling and remembering Florence! (Not the Canadian version of the BBC Emily ;-)  )
2.  The joy of knowing that though you made have done something 6 times before, and felt it was hard work, you wondered why you were doing it- the 7th and 8th times can be brilliant!  Case in point- teaching recorder to year 3 for a year:  This is the 4th time I've done it and it's fab this year- it really is.  Same with orchestra- sooo much better!
3.  The beauty of messages- a few words from someone who knows you, in a text, can make your heart soar and be so thankful! 
4.  I am thankful for last night's hot water bottle.  Not only did it keep my feet warm, bbut byy leaking and leaving me with a damp puddle under my feet, it also woke me up when my alarm clock failed!
5. For my little sister managing to get a Christmas job- she's very happy!
6. For the beauty of enthusiasm!  You'd think teaching 9 year olds about Medieval plainchant in Latin, it might turn them off a bit- not a bit of it- I distinctly heard "Yesssssssssss!" from some of the boys in choir when they heard we were singing a song in Latin (Gaudete FYI) after we'd listened to some in our prior music lesson!
7. For the joy that your own joy can bring to other people when you share it!
8. For my church friends- I cannot say how much I love them dearly! All ages, it matters not!
9.  For YOU- it's like coming home to an unexpected parcel finding your kind comments!
10.  For the inventor of the Duvet. Mr Duvet, whereever you are, thank you!

What are you thankful for?