I went out for lunch for a birthday. It was pleasant, with people I really like. I ate Udon and vegetable and prawn tempura. It was quite nice. I then followed it with a Chrysanthemum tea. I drank water because that's what I drink at home usually with my meal and I'm not particularly bothered about drinking anything else. Even though I am out for a treat, I'm not extravagant for the sake of extravagance (especially with a wedding to save for). The bill came to the table and I, knowing my portion had come to £12 when I'd ordered, fished the money out, plus a 10% tip (£1.50 or so) and thought, 'I am sorted, I don't need to faff with cards or change'. Then someone said, "That's £25 each.". At which point, I looked down at my money and thought, "I am now going to have to double what I've put here,".
And this, ladies and gentlemen (Adam, WOMOTM, Chris of the Chrlog, Stev/phen, CBC) is where I find myself in a dilemma.
Because I am so rarely a drinker, or don't buy expensive drinks or don't always have a dessert or extras and often go for a veggie or smaller option, I invariably end up getting stung with splitting the bill! CBC's birthday last year I ended up paying out £30 for a £9 meal (!!!!) and everytime I end up feeling really uptight and cross (when I am embarassed this is how it translates). Today, I obviously looked disgruntled/dismayed/askew because either CBC or someone else asked if I had enough (and then people started saying, "Oh CBC and Kezzie could pay a little less because they didn't have starters (we came late) and we could all put in a pound more," at which point I feel a complete cad if I take it up (but also- how much is a little less more? How much was a starter? This is all so unclear as it invariably is when someone throws a comment like this into the equation! Nobody ever states anything specific) and I threw across my £25 to the pile. CBC started saying to me, "Don't worry Kezzie, I'll put in a bit extra and you can pay less," which of COURSE I didn't want him to do, because he doesn't have much money and why should he have to pay more for me. He then took back £10 of mine (based on the CBC and K pay less) and he himself put in £28 (which then confused matters because someone thought only one of us had paid because of the card) which he gave to me later (I didn't understand what .was going on at the time and was confused when they said something about CBC only putting in £15 and then his card.
(I'm sorry if anyone who was there ends up reading this but I wanted to put it out there for debate)
Now, I feel mean saying this, I really do and I'd feel mean saying anything about it, it really does feel . I feel embarassed about it- because it is embarassing to say, "Look guys, can we just pay for what we had," or, "Er, actually, I don't want to pay for someone else's food," (if out with people, I am happy to say in certain situations, "I will pay," but it's the assumption or the not thinking that I find hard in these situations! And the silly thing is, in most situations, people I usually go out for dinners with are usually friends, and I am quite sure (at least I hope!) , if they knew the situation and I could state it clearly, would be fine with paying our own.
But the thing is, I wish there could be a vote in each situation, I wish people could say, "Shall we split the bill or pay for what we had?" because then that embarassment would be avoided, especially with friends. Because I find it really hard to speak out, I really do- I know it's then my own fault for not speaking out, but you look like a meanie, I felt a meanie, I felt selfish, I feel selfish, I feel bad and guilty about it everytime it happens. Even if I had the most expensive meal (probably more so, in fact, I have in the past- said, "No, I had more, I should pay more," which is funny that I can mention it when I don't look like a meanie!) I would still want to pay my portion. I do think every meal should be dealt with case by case. I know it's done for ease of getting on with it, or because we/you are a group of friends etc and it comes from the 'My round thing' but I do find it hard. Especially not being a drinker- I don't drink much of anything when I go out! Money was very tight during my childhood- I was blessed with so many opportunities and things to do in my childhood and always had what I needed, but food and drink was something that we didn't spend loads of money on, much of my diet was based on allotment produce. My Mum didn't have much and she gave us so sacrificially and these experiences do make us who we are. I have experienced debt and I don't like it!
Perhaps I am feeling sensitive regarding financial matters at the moment because I feel like CBC thinks I am a complete meanie (he doesn't because he has a kind and understanding heart- however the devil whispers in your ear!) , Scrooge, cheapskate, whatever, over the wedding because I keep saying, to everything he says, "But how much will that cost?" or "How are we going to pay for that?" because we already have an idea of how much we're going to spend and we don't have enough even with our saving plan, but I do believe that I am realistic and I hope that I will always live within my means. I don't mean to sound like I don't want to spend ANY money but I feel that, by saying it, at least we are consciously thinking about it and not getting so wrapped up in the 'I want' that we forget to be realistic! I am digressing here away from the main subject so I will shut up but I'd love to know what you think about the issue of splitting the bill?!
Yes or no?
