From the Archives- What can I give?

 Here's another old post from 2014 - one of my pauses for Advent.  I read this and it made me think of how I have failed so many times in being gracious to my husband.  Often, he says things and the way he says them, the way he responds, the way he does things, hurts my feelings.  Instead of being patient and loving, instead, I snap at him with wounded feelings, wounded pride. I snap at him at times and I need to show him a consistent good example if I want him to be kind. It's no good snapping back at him if he is insensitive because that isn't going to change things.

Reading this is a good reminder to me. Always be the one who acts the way you wish to be treated.

A pause for Advent 2014: 3: Presents

CBC and I went out to do a spot of Christmas shopping on Saturday and I was not a nice person to be around.  It was cold, wintry, I didn't have thick enough tights on, I was annoyed, I was tired, not feeling particularly well or enamoured to be out and travelling on trains and walking. I was just generally discontented today and particularly with CBC. I was not kind to him or loving. He wanted to hold my hand and I wanted to keep my hands warm in my pockets. I ended up feeling thoroughly ashamed of myself. 

As I came home tonight, thinking about this and thinking about my Pause for Advent,Christina Rossetti's poem  for In the bleak mid-winter came into my mind, as I pondered how ungiving I had felt in the late afternoon. 

In the bleak mid-winter
Frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron,
Water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow,
Snow on snow,
In the bleak mid-winter
Long ago.

It was cold- I felt like my heart stood hard as iron, locked in my irritation. We can feel like that at times, locked into a bleak landscape inside our mind which we struggle to escape from, struggle to think beyond or even think, just reacting.

Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him
Nor earth sustain;
Heaven and earth shall flee away
When He comes to reign:
In the bleak mid-winter
A stable-place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty,
Jesus Christ.

Yet beyond all my irritation, there was someone waiting for me, waiting for me to make the right choice,  Waiting, like I should have been waiting for him through Advent.

Enough for Him, whom cherubim
Worship night and day,
A breastful of milk,
And a mangerful of hay;
Enough for Him, whom angels
Fall down before,
The ox and ass and camel
Which adore.

That should be enough for me.  I shouldn't need to get irritated and turn what should have been a gentle restful afternoon in a pleasant place into a field of hostility.

Angels and archangels
May have gathered there,
Cherubim and seraphim
Thronged the air -
But only His mother
In her maiden bliss
Worshipped the Beloved
With a kiss.

Forgiveness, love and letting go of anxiety/irritation can begin with just one small thing, like that kiss. One hug, one saying of I'm sorry.  Or God, who in sending Jesus,one act, one great act that seemed seemingly small, a small baby coming, said, "I forgive your sins," 

What can I give Him,
Poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd
I would bring a lamb;
If I were a wise man
I would do my part;
Yet what I can, I give Him -
Give my heart.

What shall I give him?

A snappy tone of voice because I am irritated with my husband?
A grumpy disposition because I haven't had enough sleep?
An irritated huff because I wish we'd agree on the Christmas shopping?
An impatient sigh because we were stopping in a cafe for lunch when I just wanted to get on with it?
An angry heart that is thinking horrible thoughts?
A hostile outlook which transmits to those around?

What can I give him?

Give him a patient moment where I think whether I really need to get irritated.
A taking of five minutes to gather myself and making a smile whether I feel it or not, because a smile does change you.
Letting go of my annoyance rather than wishing I would be taken seriously when I am annoyed.
A grateful sigh for actually having some lunch and a warm drink.
An agreement to let it go when I am not happy with something.
A loving hug when I want to be cross.

How can I show Jesus's love to my husband and those around me.  What can I give Jesus?

Show my love for him by loving those around me. Not being grumpy. Not being in a hurry. Not being selfish. Not showing my irritation.  Take time, take love, take a moment, take a decision to be loving.

Share peace, love, patience and think of others.

What can I give him?

Give my heart

xxx



This is my 3rd contribution to Ang's Pause in Advent. Click the link to find other posts to read.

You can read my previous posts and those from previous years by clicking the A pause for Advent label