An evening misadventure.

So I was sitting looking at the computer screen when I feel the sense of being watched. Like there is something there, just out of the corner of my eye.  I quickly glance in the direction I think I have seen something.

Nothing appears amiss.

A minute or two later, I see something dark again and look immediately to my right.

A Tyrannosaurus Rex-sized spider scuttles past me.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" I scream.

I ask CBC to fetch me a glass to perform the standard spider-glass removal procedure.

CBC refuses.  "I'm sitting here and you're disturbing me."

I tell him he is dead if I cannot see the spider when I return from fetching a glass.

Luckily, he lives as it has remained in ninja freeze.

I try trapping it in the corner but it is too big and canny. Awkward,  It evades the glass, perhaps with a little raspberry-blowing in my imagination.

I persevere and try poking it with the glass.

Eventually, I trap the little bugger.

CBC on the sofa asks me why I'm not taking it outside and would I NOT show it to him. He asks this as I struggle out from under the table avec spider in glass with letter underneath.

I progress towards the front door. I realise that easy-to-put-on-without-hands footwear is in the kitchen and retrace my steps.

CBC becomes annoyed that the spider is still in the house and accuses me of "Playing with the spider."
I retort in rude manner that I am trying to get easy footwear since I am doing this alone.  In kitchen, I feel for my shoes  and as I do so, I examine the monster spider which rears up and shakes its enormous mandibles at me in manner of foiled-arch-nemesis performing the customary "I'll get you my pretty" fist-shake.  At which point, CBC moans at me again for my slow progress. I refrain from a retort but instead make a point of going slowly as I walk past him.

Reach living -room door and hold top of glass with chin as I attempt to open the door.
"Danger!" shudders CBC as he spies the beast for the first time but without any attempt to assist me with evacuation.

I open from door and exit front door with monster and walk to the end of the path where I forcibly shake the glass in a sudden jaguar-speed manoeuvre, hoping the monster isn't too bright and doesn't cling on just to spite me.

I come back into the house sans arachnid.

CBC asks if I've definitely got rid of it and it isn't trailing behind me.

I punch him.*

THE END

* Not really, but I was tempted.