Making friends

I don't know about you but I find it increasingly harder to make, sustain and begin new friendships. It was so easy as a child- you would just bounce up to each other, introduce yourself and a friendship began.  If you didn't really want to talk or be friends, you just didn't end up playing together so much.
Now as an adult, I find that I seem to have significantly fewer friends, especially since they've moved away or had children.  When I meet someone, lives are so much more busy and complicated, that socialising seems very difficult- we are too busy, they have kids that either sick or need to be at ballet, in bed, or they don't respond to messages.

As an adult, when meeting someone new, I  worry about whether someone genuinely wants to be my friend or not or is just being polite in the situation of talking to me.

When I joined my church, All Saints in 2004, it was beautifully easy, I got to know people and I naturally had a group of lovely church friends who I socialised with- various ages.
 When CBC and I got married and moved, I kept in touch with various friends from there, one I still meet up with for dinner near work but generally, people haven't stayed in touch so much.
When I moved to my next church, it seemed a bit harder to socialise- I met people but somehow didn't make the type or friendships that made it easy to meet up- I think this has a lot to do with my not joining a home group or going to too many events- CBC,not being a churchgoer, made it harder to join in with lots of things, he'd always moan if I wanted to go to many church events and thus, I somehow didn't get involved in so much, made harder when we moved to the next town away.  Somehow, as well, I didn't get that instant connection I did with many people like I did at my old church.

I think the only friend I've really made in the last year or so is L from my flute quartet and we never seem to be able to see her, she's so busy with piano tunings and other things which is sad as I'd really like CBC and I to get to know her and her lovely husband.

We went to a wedding a few weeks ago and at dinner, I ended up seated next to the Step-sister by marriage of the groom.  She was absolutely lovely and we seemed to get on so well and seemed to have lots in common-she is a print designer for well-known children's clothing company and we just clicked and when I talked to her, I didn't have that usual 'wedding talk' exhaustion of trying to make small talk, NOR that sense of worry that I was boring her or that she didn't want to talk to me.  Whether this is because she is a lovely person (which seemed to be the case) or because she genuinely liked me or got on with me, it was really nice.
I said to CBC later that I really liked her and thought she was nice, and he then proceeded to tease me about it.  Somehow, after dinner, when it came to swing-dancing and changing the venue rooms, after a swing dance taster class, I didn't end up speaking to her again, not least because we ended up chatting to and dancing with our other friends from music camp.  I really regretted it because I really did want to talk to her again and again that adult awkwardness of, can I say to someone, it would be lovely to stay in touch, let's swap numbers (not least because she really liked the sound of learning Balinese gamelan). Somehow, I didn't pluck up the courage to ask!

The next day, we drove to Shaftesbury to have an explore and as we were taking photos on the famous Gold Hill from the Hovis Advert, I saw the groom's Stepbrother and girlfriend walk past and then the aforementioned stepsister was there! I think I exclaimed her name in delight!  We ended up chatting to the family and walking up the hill. At which point, they went into the museum.  She was walking behind slower and said, that she thought they were going in there and said goodbye and again I failed to say anything.  CBC teased me mercilessly as we walked on saying, "But x, come with us!!" and said that it seemed like she didn't want to go into the museum.

It's hard though, because it is awkward saying to someone, essentially, "Do you want to be friends?" and it is awkward for them if they don't want to!

I hoped that moving house, I would find a lovely church where there would be lots of  people my age I could make friends with, but the town we were planning to move to didn't work out and I am yet to find a church to go to in this town.  I need to make a bit more effort to do this, but I always find it nerve-wracking going to a new place alone. I did go to the Anglican church in town but I didn't find it to be a place that I really wanted to go and be a member of , there were about 20 people which feels awful, but it didn't feel right.

How do you feel about making friends as an adult?  Particularly anyone who doesn't have offspring?

xxx