Stripes and Phones

 Sometimes, I get ridiculously over-the-top emotional and irrational about things and feel bit bit like I'm going a bit mad. I hate myself for it, beat myself up over it and then realise, my hormones are probably responsible.  Something happened today- something which in about 99% of people's worlds would be a nice thing, a really nice thing.   I reacted to it negatively with exasperation- stroppily (not directly TO anyone but outloud in my house to CBC) and then felt utterly miserable with how much of a horrible person I was/am, how ungrateful and (and please don't tell me, I'm not, because if you knew the details of the situation, you would think I was indeed not good) and then got annoyed again.   Sometimes, I need to just shut up and realise when my hormones are in their bad place and not say anything or do anything- then I won't have these horrible feelings about it.  The only people that know about my reaction are my Mum (who I cried down the phone to and incoherently rambled about it twice) and CBC (who was impatient, then understanding, then impatient again) and my friend Lara (who was the rational voice of calm and reason that made me feel better about the situation and how to react to it).

I wish I didn't get so ridiculously emotional over really stupid things! I remember last July getting totally stressed over something and blowing it out of proportion and it always seems to coincide with hormones but because of the medication I have been taking for the past couple of years, I am a bit hazy with where I am so I don't realise when it might be a time where I am going to get irrationally emotional until it has happened.

I don't like myself when that happens- CBC is a saint to put up with irrational emotion me.  Perhaps that makes up for me being patient with him being an irrational grump bag at times- perhaps we balance it out?

Anyway, that doesn't really segue into the rest of the post at all but I took some photos of an outfit from when we still had snow. I'm not sure when it was but it was before Half Term- possibly the Saturday.

The snow week, I kept cosy all week by wearing mainly cashmere and wool jumpers. It was nice to be able to do that when I wasn't rushing around because I was cosy without getting too hot in my cashmere!

This dark pink jumper was charity-shopped a few years ago and I remember the first time I wore it was for the first rehearsal with one of the orchestras I played with- I had to travel on the rail replacement and I wore this jumper with this Cath Kidston telephone skirt (bought 2nd hand)- I always seem to pair the two together

That day, I suddenly remembered I had these stripy thick tights which sort of went with the top and decided to wear them.  This is unusual because I have been avoiding tights like the plague for the last few years and sticking to leggings and socks as I am fed up with saggy tights having to be hoiked up all the time.  But I'd forgotten that these tights were a delightfully well-fitting pair (from Tescos) and that, in fact, I liked wearing certain woolly tights- it was a bit of a revelation for me because I felt really guilty about all the tights I have but don't wear.  Tights aren't exactly the type of thing people would want to buy 2nd hand from a charity shop and it'd be a waste to cut them up for something if they aren't ripped etc. A couple of years ago, the lovely Ann and a friend Becky did actually help me out by taking some barely worn (as in, as soon as I wore them for the first time, knew they didn't work for my leg length and shape- again tights aren't really something you can try on in a shop!) tights, 

The final items in this outfit were a charity-shopped black velvet Kangol beret and my Clarks Ben's purple Brogue boots.  Adding a pair of earrings and necklace from Esoteric Londonw which I won, I was set for the day but not just a boring jumper and trousers outfit!

It seems hard to think we had all this snow 2 weeks ago and none now!

A bit like the fact that in just over a week's time, we'll go from lockdown with me teaching a class of 10 children back to me teaching 540 different children every week. I'll be glad to see them.  One nice thing from today, despite the crazy hormones and trying get my work done was this message I got from a parent.  I save them here to remember happy things when I look back on posts and remember good things:

"Hi hope you are well just to let you no I’ve uploaded E's music work there is a few lol she really been struggling with not being at school and the work and music really seems to help her and shift her mood so thank you so much x "

And there it is, the ray of sunshine that makes all the difference.