A-Z of Prayer for this time.

This morning, I have been blessed to share in church services from all my previous churches.  The message I am receiving in abundance is to keep praying.  
One prayer which I heard today was: "Renew our hope, God our Father, by the Holy Spirit's power.  Strengthen us to pray readily, to serve joyfully and to grow abundantly, rejoicing in Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."
The church building may be closed but the church should be out of work.  Palm Sunday was the day Jesus journeyed into Jerusalem, met by the crowds.  We may not be able to physically go on a journey, or meet in crowds but we can meet spiritually in crowds and journey together towards Easter.
I started writing this post during the week, inspired by Sutton Vineyard's creative approaches to prayer for this week.  One suggestion was to pray for each letter of the alphabet.
So I have done.
God bless you and keep you safe this week.

A- Anxiety- Please God, bless all those who are anxious.  Help calm their fears.
B -Boris Johnson- Please God, I didn't like him or vote for him but he is in charge so we better pray he is the best he can be and this is a chance for him to change for the better. Please give him wisdom, discernment and help make him better. I pray you bless ALL leaders such as him to make wise and dilligent choices.
C- Cure- Thank you for those who have studied hard at Science. Lord, I pray you will help our scientists to find a cure for the Virus, curiously quickly- let it be developed quicker.  Please bless the scientists so they can develop a vaccine that will cure the disease.
D- Delivery workers- Thank you for their hard work God. Please God keep all those who are delivering food and goods in anyway- Milkmen, Postmen, Supermarket workers, van drivers,
Ignorance - Lord, for those who are ignorant and stubborn, please make them realise the importance of doing the right thing.
E- Energy: Lord, please give energy to those who are going out to work and energy to face the challenges daily.
F- Faith: Thank you for keeping us safe so far. Please help people to have faith in you God and choose faith as opposed to fear.
G- Governments:  help governments to cooperate and make the right choices.
H - Hospitals- Lord, I pray you will help hospitals to be sanctuaries, clean and with all the equipment needed to help those in
I- Immunity- I pray that those who come into contact with the virus will be immune, that they will have no harmful effects because of disease.  Thank you for those who are immune and have had no ill effects.
J- Joy- Thank you for all moments of joy we still experience despite all the unknowns. I pray that everyone will find joy each and every day. Even the small joys of managing to buy flour, the joy of seeing a rainbow in a window, the joy of being with their family, the joy of a phonecall, help us ALL Lord, to seek and to see clearly, the joys every day.
K- Kindness- Lord, help everyone to show kindness to each other.  Give us opportunities to KNOW where we can help, give us the KNOWLEDGE of how to help others and KINDLE a yearning in us to help others. Thank you for all those opportunities people have taken to be kind to one another.
L - Loneliness- God bless all those who are lonely- because they are alone, because they are isolated for whatever reason. I pray that they will put their trust in you. I pray that those who love them and know them will call them and take away from their loneliness.
M- Miracle- we need miracles in times like now. Lord, I pray you will make a miracle happen. I pray the cure will be found. I pray there will be no deaths on Easter Sunday, I pray that the virus will be cured and not be seen again like the previous SARS.
N- NHS- we pray for the NHS.  God bless and keep our Doctors, nurses, health care assistants, administrators, cleaners and all those who are working to fight the disease. Thank you so much for their hardwork and sacrifice.
O- Opportunity- Lord, the Earth is getting some chance to rest with less vehicles moving around. Thank you for that. I pray that this will teach us that it is possible to make choices to save our Earth from destruction. I pray that our Earth will take this opportunity to recover- air quality, melted icebergs, oceans and rubbish.  I also pray this opportunity makes us notice all those people who do Overlooked but important jobs.  Help us to value them and notice them.
P- Police- Lord, give good health and wisdom to the police as they make sure people are doing the right thing. I pray they have all the equipment and protection they need and that they stay safe from germs, danger and reaction from those they have to reprimand. Thank you for their hardwork.
Q- Questioning- For all those with questions- be they children at home learning and not understanding, for those who are seeking the answers to issues, for those who are questioning their faith, for those questioning how they will get home, for those questioning when life will return to normal, for those who are questioning how they will live their lives after this, I pray you will answer those questions, positively Lord.
R- Rest- help everyone to get the rest they need for recovery, for recuperation time, for rest and good sleep for those who are able to go out of work, for rest for those who are at home to make their immune systems strong. To Revive a spirit of faith in all of us to give us rest in You Lord, that we may find out Refuge, Recovery and comfort in you.
S-Selfishness- Lord, I pray you take away the spirit of selfishness that is making people have secret gatherings, taking too much from the shops, that is causing them to take risks, those who are refusing to accept what is really happening (like Donald Trump)
T- Transformation- Our lives have changed so much over the past few weeks. Transform our lives in a good way as a result of this difficult time, not in a bad way. I pray this will help us all, the rich, the poor, the powerful, the weak, the clever, the ignorant to realise the deep need for change in our lives and to make these changes happen in a good way.
U- Unemployment- for those who are worried about the consequences, for those who have lost their jobs already, for those who are worried how they will survive, Lord, please help those people
V- Vegetables and Vitamins- I pray that everyone will have access to fresh vegetables and healthy foods to give their bodies the best possible chance with all the vitamins they need. I also pray that those growing their own vegetables will be successful. I thank you for all the vegetables we have had access to.
Wealthy- Lord, I pray those who have utter riches such as the super billionaires and moghuls will take the opportunity to share and donate their riches to help the world to recover.
X- Xenophobia- Lord, we've seen a lot of Xenophobia from people as this crisis has grown from fear of foreigners to abuse of Chinese and refugess being refused rights. I pray that there will be no xenophobia and that all, regardless of faith, will be helped.
Y -Youth- we've all heard reports of selfishness and thoughtlessness from youths from those spitting on people to those gathering in the parks. Lord, take away the self-centredness, the arrogance from those who think they can do anything without consequences.  For those youths who are frightened, please reassure them and keep them motivated to work at home/
Z - Zoom- Thank you so much Lord for this program which is helping many, many people work and stay connected. I pray that it will continue to work effectively and not to cause any issues.

Amen.

This was inspired by Sutton Vineyard's challenge to pray the alphabet.

Covered with feathers

Once again, Sutton Vineyard provided a wonderful service via Youtube live (I've shared the video at the bottom of this post).  I could do what I did last week and summarize what it said but I don't want to just do that at it is a bit lazy.
However, today, I would like to share the Psalm which was the basis of the sermon:
Psalm 91 which I wrote out and decorated with feathers. I intend to put this in my bathroom so I see this every time when I go in.
I will confess something- I do not like those vomit-inducing plaques that have some sort of platitude, e.g. "Family makes home" or something like that.  I find them a bit tacky.  However, seeing the words of Psalm 91 in their entirety are a comfort.
At a time when dark thoughts and fears can, understandably, come to us at any point, the thought that God, if I come close to him and admit my fear and weakness, will cover me with his feathers like a bird, is a powerful image.  Feathers may seem flimsy but with the lightest of touch, they provide great warmth and cover.
The terrors can come to us, no matter how rational we feel and Psalm 91 gives us a sense of protection, we can sometimes nestle into God's feathers. Other times, we can be strong and proclaim our faith, be strong and help others. We can be lifted high to a position where we can see. We choose our direction and we will walk in the direction we choose to look in.
I look to hope, joy and salvation.

Please a comment if there is anything you need particular prayer for.

Stay safe, dear friends and God bless you.  

xx

This is my Pause for Lent with Ang et al.

A pause for Advent 2018 #3: Imperfection

Christmas can be a time of strong emotions: euphoria, hopefulness, joy, excitement but also disappointment, anxiety, depression, loneliness and sadness, depending on circumstances. It can be particularly hard if dealing with bereavement, conflict or just being in a really lonely place. It is a time which urges us to "Keep up with the Jones'" and all those 'perfect' adverts, pictures, films and stories which can make us feel woefully inadequate.  Why is our Christmas experience not as perfect as anyone else's?  Why is everyone else having more fun, more presents, more invites, more laughs, more friends, more decorations or food?  We are just not perfect enough?

But the original Christmas was far from perfect!
It was hardly perfect that Governor Quirinius called for everyone to travel to their hometown at the height of Mary's pregnancy. Definitely not perfect that the toils and tribulations of that arduous journey meant that Mary and Joseph arrived so late in Bethlehem that they had to slog around all those inns and fail to find adequate accommodation. It wasn't great that Mary had to give birth in a stable without any support or suitable resources for a baby.  It was a disaster that the wise men got lost nad ended up in the worst place possible- the palace of the mad despot, King Herod, who definitely didn't need to know about Jesus- that secured the death of many infants later on.  It wasn't ideal that the shepherds had the life frightened out of them by the appearance of angels in the sky.  It wasn't perfect that instead of returning home to a stable homelife, that Mary, Joseph and Jesus had to flee as refugees to seek sanctuary in Egypt to avoid the consequence of the wise men's less than perfect navigational skills.
But despite all this, Jesus still came, grew up, died and offered freedom to all those who believe in him.  The crucifixion and the way Jesus died semed far from perfect to those who trusted and believe in him. This wasn't what the Messiah was supposed to do.  He was supposed to save them, free them from the tyranny of the Roman empire, to bring freedom and the gift of life. The cross seemed a complete mess-up; incomprehensible and pointless. 
But to a heart full of faith and belief, we are not called to be perfect but just to be ourselves and to know Jesus, just as we are.
For me this week, this means:
I am imperfect but I am loved.
I am grumpy and cantankerous at times, but loved.
I am exhausted but loved.
I am disappointed and disheartened in aspects of life but I am loved.
I am concerned about the future of this country and world, I am frightened of what we are doing to our Earth, but I am loved.
I have made countless mistakes (including having tantrum on a train platform after missing a train) but I am loved.
Avoid the trappings of the perfect Christmas; the need to impress or be the centre of attention and be there at the manger, surrounded by Love; knowledge of who you are and be imperfect.

This Pause was inspired by the welcome message by the Archbishops of Canterbury and York in the #FollowtheStar advent study.

Chelsea Moon with the Franz Brothers - What Wondrous Love Is This?

I was looking for some music to inspire me for a Pause for Lent post and I found this beautiful song.

The title, What wondrous Love is This?
It's a question that one might ask. How could someone submit to receiving terrible treatment, even to the point of death. Could I do that? Do I love anyone enough for that?

Wondrous is a word that conjures up the delight and the disbelief in a situation. The unfathomable sense of HOW? WHY? FOR WHO?

The answer is wondrous love.  A love beyond compare, beyond anything. A love more wondrous than I could ever offer.  An unselfish heart, a knowledge and certainty that what would be suffered would be worth it for the loved one.

ONE person had and has that heart, yesterday, today, tomorrow.  And this week, we remember Him.

xx

Pause for Easter! Love so amazing...

Happy Easter!!

I wrote last year about how much I loved the song When I survey the wondrous cross  and how I had been inspired to write my own version.  This holiday, I finally worked out the piano part and typed up the notation to it.  This was the song I sang to my Grandad, so it is dedicated to him as he was the first to hear it and a life-long supporter of me composing.

Please please please, don't comment on my voice (negative or positive),- that's not what this post is about. It's about the words. This was a dreadful last night at 11pm recording I made which was really badly unbalanced, unrehearsed and dodgily  out of tune (and wobbly) but I thought I'd share SOMETHING of it, prompted by some of your comments last week.   It's only the first chorus, verse 1 and chorus but the full words are:

Love so amazing, so divine, demands my life, my soul, my all.
Love so amazing, so divine, demands my life, my soul, my all.
Love so amazing,
Love so divine,
Demands my life,
Demands my soul,
Demands my all, 
I give my all.

1. When I survey the wondrous cross
   On which the Prince of glory died,
   My richest gain I count but loss,
   And pour contempt on all my pride.
2. 
   

Love so amazing, so divine...

1. Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
   Save in the death of Christ my God!
   All the vain things that charm me most,
   I sacrifice them to His blood.
2. Love so amazing, so divine...
3. See from His head, His hands, His feet,
   Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
   Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
   Or thorns compose so rich a crown?
4. Love so amazing, so divine...
5. Were the whole realm of nature mine,
   That were a present far too small;
   Love so amazing, so divine,
   Demands my soul, my life, my all.
6. Love so amazing, so divine...

(Original lyrics: Isaac Watts)

Happy Easter, Christ is risen, He is risen indeed, Alleluia!!!!!

Light the fire again.

Jesus Comes to Jerusalem as King

12 The next day the great crowd that had come for the festival heard that Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem. 13 They took palm branches and went out to meet him, shouting,

“Hosanna![d]”

“Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!”[e]

“Blessed is the king of Israel!”

14 Jesus found a young donkey and sat on it, as it is written:

15 “Do not be afraid, Daughter Zion;
    see, your king is coming,
    seated on a donkey’s colt.”[f]

16 At first his disciples did not understand all this. Only after Jesus was glorified did they realize that these things had been written about him and that these things had been done to him.

17 Now the crowd that was with him when he called Lazarus from the tomb and raised him from the dead continued to spread the word. 18 Many people, because they had heard that he had performed this sign, went out to meet him. 19 So the Pharisees said to one another, “See, this is getting us nowhere. Look how the whole world has gone after him!”

Today was Palm Sunday and we remember Jesus riding into Jerusalem on the back of the young donkey, not yet ridden.  Jesus was like a Celebrity and all the people praised him and were huge fans.  Yet a week later and they followed the crowd and all called for him to be crucified.  Amazing how things can change and hearts can go cold. It's easy to follow the crowd and do the wrong thing, not the right thing. It's easy to forget our first love, our first joy and gratefulness, awe and wonder.  It's easy to do that in any aspect of life, but it's definitely so in your spiritual life.  I am put in mind of a song by Brian Doerkson (can be heard here on You Tube): 

DON"T LET MY LOVE grow cold
I’m calling out
Light the fire again
Don’t let my vision die
I’m calling out
Light the fire againYou know my heart, my deeds
I’m calling out
Light the fire again
I need your discipline
I’m calling out
Light the fire again
I am here to buy gold
Refined in the fire
Naked and poor
Wretched and blind I come
Clothe me in white
So I won’t be ashamed
Lord, light the fire again 

This song speaks to me, I feel I lack the fervour and urgency of my first love, it takes effort, a daily effort, aided by prayer, reading of the Bible and encouragement of my fellow Christians, but I still love him and I feel the joy of knowing Jesus each and every day, of having his hope, of knowing he is there at all times, of calling upon him, of being delighted by his creation, of being unspeakably grateful for what he does for me, and thus I would like God to relight my fire so I can be unashamed of my actions and what I do and fail to do and go forth and do and be Christ-like in my life.

 This week, I have been trying to type up some of the worship and praise songs I wrote over the last 5 years and finally put them into music notation software- it is something I have been meaning to do and I want to see I can use some of my time this week to do that, to write further songs as an act of worship.  Reading those lyrics, those words of praise over and over again as I type them up has been an encouraging flame. It's a little flame but it'll grow! I am encouraged daily by the words of my blogging friends.  Thanks to Gaz and Ang for their encouragement too today and for all of you who have taken the time to encourage and care for me this week.

This is my Pause for Advent 6 for 2014 with Floss and co

Whatever comfort

Tuesday was an anxious time for me as my Grandad had gone into hospital.  CBC and I went to see him on Tuesday night where he was in the EAU (Emergency Assessment Unit).  It was a frightening experience- he looked so tiny and fragile - a machine was bleeping all the time and seemed to go into panic-mode every so often.  We were told his blood pressure was abnormally low, so low in fact that that they couldn't get a reading when they first went to him.  As we arrived, his canula had come out of his arm and there was blood all over the sheets.  His speech was slurred and he seemed very disorientated and very tired. he was very dehydrated and didn't seem to be producing much urine via the catheter (infection) despite the fact he'd had 7 litres of water pumped into him.  The doctors aren't and weren't sure what it is that has been making him sick when he eats.  CBC hates hospitals and felt really faint.  I felt really miserable, panicky and despairing, restless and frustrated..  I wanted to DO something but I couldn't. I wanted to walk but couldn't, I wanted to say something but couldn't think what to say. The despair and misery I felt was horrible. As we went home in the car, I was wracked with a sense of hopelessness.   As we drove, I knew there was only one thing I could do in that situation. To pray- to pray for wisdom, for time to spend with him, for health for my Grandad for the Doctors and for the peace which passes understanding to calm my fearful heart.  And then, like a whisper of a Mother issuing comforting words to a young child, I felt the Lord comfort and calm me.  It was a gradual process but he's been with me.  I don't pretend that the misery and despair I felt was anything like suffering that other people encounter, but Jesus has been where I am, where we are- in pain and misery and despair.  When helpless and in a situation we can't control, it helps us to rely and trust in him more.  I lose NOTHING by chosing to trust in him. I really don't. But I might gain a lot!

It was appropriate today that a church, the sermon was on comfort (2 Corinthians 1).
We need comfort because of suffering, whatever that may be.  We watched a short video, a testimony on Youtube of a mother in the USA whose husband, after kissing his 2 children goodbye on their way to school and telling them he loved them, went out and shot 5 children in a school.  What good could come out of that?   For her, that mother, her despair was complete- her life was devastated- the world was looking to her for answers, her husband had killed these children and what could she do?  She thought it incomprehensible that someone could do that- kiss their children goodbye and then do that.  Her life was shattered, her children's lives were in moments to be shattered.  She couldn't do anything!  But then her eyes lifted upwards and she remembered. But her prayer was this:
"Whatever redemption, whatever beautiful you can make out of this God:  DO it!"

And for me, this rings home as a real prayer for desperate times.  When there is nothing you can pray, where words fail, pray this: "Whatever beautiful can be made from this God? DO it!"

The Preacher said this:  God's comfort came out of the lies, the hate, the degradation, the humiliation, and horror of the empty tomb.  The comfort of the risen Christ came out of all that horror.  He's been where we've been and arisen.

And remember this too from the situation:  if we've been in a situation that needs this comfort, then it is our compassionate duty, our compassion which must cause us to act to help another person.  Share our experiences, be there, hold and comfort, do what we can even if we feel it's nothing.

Whilst I don't know what's going to happen with my Grandad, I can give my time and my love to him.  And what beauty is there in this situation? Well, we've been worried about him for ages- he's so stubborn.  But here, he's been taken care of where he wasn't managing alone, he has company during the day and a clean environment, perhaps this is the time he will finally accept help, realise his own frailty and we can help him create a better home environment.

Finally this to you, the reader- Can I pray for you in any way?  No matter how small or trivial, no matter if you don't believe, you lose nothing from sharing with me, I would be glad to share, to be of comfort, to say something, to do the little something I can.

xx

A pause for Advent 2013: 4

Every year since I have been a teacher, I have written a song for Christmas for my children at school to sing. I'd love to have a complete nativity after teaching for 10 years which I can put together. This is one of those traditions I have now established and something I will pause from my regular schedule to do each year. For me, it is an act of enjoyment, an act of giving (to my school) and an act of worship, using of my skill and inspiration, even though the songs are not usually written as worship songs but are usually about a part of the nativity.

My thought for today is: Thousands and thousands of songs, plays, scripts and works of art have been written about Jesus and about this time of year and one might say, perhaps there is already enough, it's been done and I should not add to this with my mediocrity (and I am aware, as a trained musician, that this is NOT skillful composing). However, for me, there will never be too many things said and Jesus will always take my offerings as they are- offered in love and to serve.

I always love the story, which I never remember exactly, about the priest or someone in a church who sang loudly and out of tune but with a heart full of praise. One year, someone told him that he was singing out of tune, so he stopped singing. When he was in heaven, God asked him why he had stopped singing and he replied explaining. God replied that to him, the singing was the most beautiful in the world because it was full of his heart. We might not do things well or the best but if we do them trying our hardest, with a heart full of love, then they are beautiful to the person who we wrote them for. Yes, my songs each year vary in quality and execution and they may be flawed and other people have done it better. But, it is always good to look at the nativity in diffferent ways, hear different words, hear different songs, hear someone else's take on it. Perhaps, just perhaps, by hearing something new, your heart might just be touched by it in some way. Thus, I will continue to write songs of the nativity each year though they may not be masterpiece works of art!

FYI, this song was meant to convey the fluster and selfishness that we can feel when we are at our busiest. We might think that we just CAN'T take any more, or help anyone because we are just too crammed, too saturated. But, there is always a part of us that CAN help, offer a little something. Just like that final innkeeper who offered his stable, even though it was a little too dark, a little too dirty and was essentially aimed at animal accommodation, not for the Son of God! He offered it, it was accepted gracefully and it has been heralded for 2000 years since!

This is my Pause for Advent, 2013. Joining in with Floss and co.

You can't hear the words very well as I was too close to the handbells but here is a transcription:

Chorus: Dear Sir, my wife and I arrived
So late, we crave your pity.
Could you spare a room for us.
My wife’s in need of rest.


Not in any shape or form,
we surely have no room.
No inch, no square, there’s none to spare
Goodnight, good luck, no room.


Chorus

You must be kidding, Sir and Ma’am,
my Inn’s at full capacity.
You must be mad to come so late,
They’re all here in this city!


Chorus

The situation’s dire, my Friend,
I hate to let you down.
We’re full, and I hear folks are crammed
in every nook in town

Chorus

I must confess, I’m at a loss,
I don’t have one iota
Health and Safety’ll be after me,
If I exceed my quota!

Dear Sir, my wife and I arrived
My wife is giving birth
It needn’t be grand, you understand.
We just need one small turf.

Well it’s dark, and filled with hay
But warm, spacious and out the way.
If you can bear the animals,
My stable is the place to stay!


Words and music Copyright: KezzieAG Dec 2013

The joy of joy

It's small things that make you smile and happy. In my case, recently, a text message. A friend of mine was, before I knew her, in a very unhappy marriage with a husband who belittled her, made her feel awful about herself, made her, a beautiful kind-hearted lady, think nothing of herself. She then spent around a decade raising her 5 beautiful, talented and kind children by herself after he left her (all now adults). Despite this, he actually left her. She went through such difficulties financially, had such difficulty getting a job that was permanent that she was happy in, she was lonely and had difficulties but she never ceased praising God for what she had and making the best of her situation. Around 3 years ago, she met a wonderful man who she married- I sang for the wedding last year. We were texting each other and I asked how life was (she has moved now) and this was her reply:

It's REALLY well thanks. B is SUCH a lovely guy, I thank dear God 4 him! He makes me life worth living, such a sweet, tender darling. I love living in W____ in our little flat and am enjoying my new job at B________

This simple message filled me with such delight, joy and a sense of relief. That lady deserves the joy she has found and it is all the more sweeter for the difficulties she has had to bear over the years. Her patience and perseverence humbles me. Have you received a message recently which fills you with such joy

Marriage Preparation

Hey there! I thought I'd share a little about the Marriage preparation course I am taking part in. When we first decided to get married at my church, my vicar said that we would have to complete a marriage preparation counselling course. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, some people had told me of different experiences. I was a little anxious, wondering how it would go but have gone into it. We are studying a guide called Preparing for marriage by Boehi, Nelson, Schulte & Shadrach. General publisher Dennis Rainey. It is biblically based and refers to God's equation for marriage. It is some 250 pages long and has taken a while to complete (still going) but it is incredibly useful and really gets you to think about things and why marry and the potential difficulties you may come across. Today's session was on 'Building oneness' in particular, authentic communication. The beginning of the chapter states: The extent to which you can "listen to understand" and "express to be understood" will help determine the level of intimacy in your marriage. It deals with proper listening habits, speaking principles, what to say and how to say it and when to communicate. A lot of it is common sense but it is so easy to not make the effort or not take the time to understand or be understood or to not do it. This spoke quite pertinently to me tonight as I have been struggling with being stressed really easily over getting things ready for the wedding. I have not communicated this too well and thus, I truly felt God was speaking to me here, in advance of our marriage, to help me with what I really needed to know right now! A lot that was positive came out of it and CBC and I felt we both knew a bit more about each other and how we need and want to communicate in our marriage. The quotes that are very helpful include: "But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger." James 1:19b(yep, very true- I need to think more before speaking in my stress) "A wise man will hear and increase in learning, a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel" Proverbs 1:5 (advice is cruical if not sure what to do!) "When there are many words, transgressio is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise" Proverbs 10:19 (sometimes I really just need to shut up!) "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven... a time to be silent and a time to speak" . Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 7b (again sometimes I just need to stress in my head!) I loved this quote (p151): Listening is hard work. It requires hearing with more than our ears -we use our eyes and our hearts as well. That is why authentic communicatin requires proper listening habits." I'm looking forward to having this book as a manual to refer to (in addition to prayer!) when I am married as it is really helpful! I am also looking forward to finishing it!

Borrowed this from Ang's blog (hope you don't mind!) which she got from here.

Last year my Good Friday post included the last verse of When I survey the wondrous cross, which I  played on my flute. I find that somehow, the words conveyed with music really help to speak the heart, if that makes sense.

This morning, we were blessed with glorious sun as we walked the march of witness around my town with the cross and visited all the churches in the area (the fellowship of churches) ending in a united service.  Then a beautiful intimate, quiet meditation at 2pm back at the church, at the foot of the cross.
This year, not being able to upload anything (disaster of camera and all recording devices left at school), I wanted to share another song which moves me on Good Friday, At the foot of the cross  by Derek Bond (1991), yet only two videos on Youtube, both not quite suitable.  So I leave you with his lyrics:

At the foot of the cross
I can hardly take it in
That the king of all creation
Was dying for my sin.
Oh the pain and suffering
From the thorns that pierced your head
And the hardness of my sinful heart
That left you there for dead.
And oh what mercy I have found
On the Cross of Calvary
I will never know your loneliness
All on account of me
I will bow my knee before your throne for your love has set me free
I will give my life to you dear Lord, and praise your najesty
And praise your majesty.

It is finished.

Mandatum novum do vobis ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos

This evening, I learnt about and thought about something  really interesting I'd not realised or thought about before.  It is Maundy Thursday.  I've attended a church service this evening for several years.  I always thought it was just (I say 'just' as in, without the other things I've discovered tonight) about Jesus sharing the last supper with his disciples and setting the example of how he wanted them to remember his sacrifice. 
But today, I've discovered it means so much more than that.

The name (which I didn't know) came from the latin mandatum which means commandment.  The middle English equivalent of that was Maundy.

It comes from the phrase from the gospel: "A new Commandment I give unto you, that you love one another as I have loved you."

It was the passover and Jesus had shared the Passover with his disciples, the old institution, the lamb sacrificed to rescue Israel from Egypt.  That linked to the original 10 commandments.  And the same night, he instituted the new commandment and the new meal (holy communion)- so it was a combination of the two meals in one evening: the old and the new.  The eve after which he would give up his life, the final sacrifice, the lamb to be slain for the wrongdoing.  Tonight, we arrived at church to find the Passover meal set up on a long table in the chancel.  We shared that passover meal:

Source here:  The lamb, unleavened bread, salt water, bitter herbs (horse radish, chicory, lettuce, horehound), Charoseth (a paste mixture of apples, dates, pomegranates, nuts) and wine.

It was really nice and unusual.

We shared holy communion (passed around between each of us) and then stripped the altar.  All was left bare and sparse.  It never fails to move me.
At the last supper, as well as sharing and instituting the first holy communion, Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. He said 'Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet.  I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.  Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them."

The talk, which our music leader gave talked about why Jesus did this.  The fundamental fact was that He said that Peter (and indeed I) cannot be part of him without letting him wash my feet.  It was necessary for Jesus, the author of Creation, he who all authority had been given to,  to wash my feet.  He who did no wrong, to wash my feet: to cleasne me from all  I have done or failed to do.  And I should do likewise, wash the feet of those around me, give lovingly, caringly, being servant-like.

It was lovely and very powerful and left me thoughtful for the rest of the evening

Were you aware of its meaning or were you like me?


xx

A pause for Lent 2013 #6

It's the last Pause for Lent.

I've struggled about what to post hence why I've left it till now.  I've struggled to write quite a few of these posts.  Maybe it was the poem- it seemed obvious, what more could I say that wouldn't be just words. I just prayed just now and the following literally leapt into my brain at the start:

You can't do it alone

What does that mean in context?

I increasingly find that in this present age, much serves to try and isolate us from each other be it internet shopping, kindles (i.e. no library).  Don't get me wrong, these are great things in themselves and in  a sense promote community (i.e. bloggin!) but the ultimate combination can result in isolation.

Community has never been so important in this current age. We need it, we need to nurture it, value it and work at it.

My home group from church have been talking about serving our community.  What are our community's needs.  There was a little bit of a difference of opinion over it.  I questioned whether people actually know what they need/want.  We are so wrapped up in ourselves that we don't always think about it. Another teacher agreed with me.  She said that some parents don't know what they need, they can't articulate it or fathom it out. Others said that our community wants to feel safe, protected, wants to feel that they can walk out without fear of attack, without worrying. That's something we cannot do alone.  It takes responsibility from all of us. For us to be alert, help others, reassure them.

Community starts from God.  Prayer is never a thing you do alone.  It's always a duet! God is there, even if you struggle to hear his voice or think you haven't/don't hear it at all.  He never answers in the way you think but he does, nonetheless.  He is there to listen if only I could be patient and WAIT to hear his voice instead of wanting instant gratification like all this technology offers and expecting him to pick up and give a simple answer.  He's bigger than that! I can have no concept of what he is really like other than that if he is eternal, his concept of time is a lot different to mine!!  It takes trust and it takes time and it takes belief. Faith is not being given a big obvious piece of undeniable proof, it's being certain of what you believe and being certain of what you hope for without seeing it. 

The church is built on fellowship. It isn't meant to be something you do on your own.  You and God Alongside You and a community.  Yes, the church or community you are in might not be ideal, it might be irritating, you might not want to 'mix' with the people there (Read C.S. Lewis' writings in the Screwtape letters for thoughts on this), I for instance felt highly irritated with the church warden who told me to go and sit with the choir yesterday even though I had missed practice and wanted to sit at the back (as he surely realised I thought at the time but maybe he just wanted to reassure me it was ok to go to the front!), but they are a fellowship, they are brothers and sisters.  Anytime I find myself irritated with anyone (because we are human.  Christians are not robots who don't experience the difficulties.  We make mistakes, we can be mean, we can be unkind but we should try again and hopefully we are trying to put it right!  Don't think because someone Christian was mean to you that therefore it is all nonsense) Yes, there are people that use it wrongly and that is awful.  We all hear the tales of people who have done wrong and they should be held accountable but loving those around us in general life is something to work at.

Struggles aren't meant to be faced alone.  They are meant to be faced with God and with a fellowship of  Those around.

I cannot do it alone.

Or in this concept, more appropriately:
 We cannot do it alone.

xx

A pause for Lent 2013 #5

Hello there!  My focus for this post is the two following fasts:

Fast from problems that overwhelm; Feast on prayer that strengthens.


Fast from shadows of sorrow; Feast on the sunlight of serenity

I have had an extraordinarily difficult week emotionally and mentally. Not on the scale of difficulties that others experience but for me, it has been very hard and emotional and I have felt sorrow and anxiety. 

When I first encountered difficulties this week, my first reaction was utter misery and despair, I literally felt overwhelmed by panic and misery.  I didn't do what the above suggest- I instantly gave into the problems without resting on God and trusting in him and praying.  I couldn't pray, I felt like I couldn't, but I should have. I felt the sorrow and didn't choose to rest and try to be peaceful.  And it consequently led to my having an incredibly difficult time, not being able to think, speak, comprehend and hear.  Finally, I was able to and rest peacefully and not be overwhelmed and was consequently able to think and speak rationally..  It's a lesson I must relearn over and over again, and now is the time to be mature and remember that.

Rest first, pray intelligently and then wait in peace

Take time to rest first on God and think then you can pray intelligently and then hopefully wait in peace/serenity.

God bless you all this Sunday!xx

Change: a pause for advent

I came to a recent realisation over the last couple of weeks.  I am not keen on change.  So many aspects of my personality and life are based on that.  I have lived in the same place for nearly all my life apart from 2 individual years elsewhere.  My best friend at senior-school and I stopped being friends for a couple of years and in retrospect, I realise it was because she was changing, growing up, and I didn't want to- she wanted to be popular and the such-like, she wanted to be grown-up and I didn't.  I have been in the same teaching job since I began my career and I like it there.  But I know that I may have to move at some point if CBC gets a job elsewhere, or that it's healthy to move on at some point.  But the thought is scary for me.   The same with getting married- I've got used to living alone.  It took a long time to get used to it- when living alone in Bali and when my Mum moved out- I missed her like crazy when she wasn't there, even though she spent a lot of time in her room, wanting to escape me (our house is small, it can feel claustrophobic) but now I've done it for a long time. It'll take a long time for me to get used to it.  Part of me still wants to be young- I am still that 12 year old in my head but whilst I still can and need to 'be like a child', I do need to grow.

When talking to our former vicar about getting married and saying marriage seemed scary and grown-up, in the kindest and gentlest possible way, he said to me, "But, Alexander the Great conquered the world when he was 23- you are much older and you have to grow up at some point." It made me think.

I've been thinking about change all week, having made this realisation.  So it was rather funny that the sermon that our vicar gave today was about change.   He said
The Christian life is all about change.  You can't stay the same always.  No Christian life does that. God says, My grace is sufficient for you. That will be the one thing that doesn't change. His grace is, was, will be.

Lent is a time to change- to reflect, to look forward, to be anew and it is important to realise that- it's not just about giving up the crisps (in my case!) or the moaning (I have been failing with this one this week.  I have not enjoying being with me).  Lent is a great thing because it causes us to reflect. When was it ever a bad thing to reflect on your life, conduct, behaviour and usefulness if you do it in  a positive way? God cannot use you if you constantly look back.  One cannot afford to keep looking back on the past.  Paul endured beatings, pain, torture and more during his ministry- if he had kept looking back at the past, he wouldn't have been of use to anyone.  It's more important to live a life that is a blessing to others.

When facing change, there's alwasy enough Grace to sustain us through it- He will give us strength, courage and wisdom.  I wish I could say that I will always remember that as I go through, I might not, I might panic, get stressed, tired, anxious and not react well to change, be a complete grump and stress-ball like I have been this week, but I know He is there, if I trust in him and spend time with him, finding what is his will, then I will make it through the change.

If you click through on the picture, you will find your way to see the other pauses in Lent!
God bless and hugs to you
xx

A pause for Lent 2: Love so amazing

I used to read a lovely blog by a girl called Chris Macfie when I first starting blogging.  She had such a beautiful heart.  She suffered from Crohns or something similar but she was such an inspiration and she was only a teenager. I wish she still blogged. I'd love to know what she's doing now.  Her blog had a motto (like my terrible alliterative description above) and it said:

Love so amazing, so divine, Demands my soul, my life, my all.

I used to find it so beautiful.  I was a new Christian at that point.  It seemed so right, so important, so true- a real motto to live your life by. Every time I read her blog, I looked at those words.

And then at Easter a year or so later after reading her blog first, we were singing 'When I survey the wondrous cross' and there I saw where those words had come from- in the last verse.

 
When I survey the wondrous cross

On which the Prince of glory died,

My richest gain I count but loss,

And pour contempt on all my pride.


Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,

Save in the death of Christ my God!

All the vain things that charm me most,

I sacrifice them to His blood.


See from His head, His hands, His feet,

Sorrow and love flow mingled down!

Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,

Or thorns compose so rich a crown?


His dying crimson, like a robe,

Spreads o’er His body on the tree;

Then I am dead to all the globe,

And all the globe is dead to me.


Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

And for me, this song is what is all about.  This song makes me pause, reflect, wonder, stand in awe.  It is for nothing unless it is for him. 

I wrote my own version of this one Easter with this last verse as a chorus such is the importance of that last verse to me.  I've never managed to finish the piano accompaniment and get it written down so we can sing it at church.  Perhaps this year, I will manage to sit down and finish it. Perhaps that should be my final pause for Lent- offering that?

A pause for Lent 1: positivity

 

Hey!  Greetings from a happy Kezzie, though rather tired, huddled round a warm laptop, trying to imagine a roaring fire!

I decided to take part in Floss's A pause for Lent.   I really enjoyed the Advent one so I thought it would be lovely to have a go again.  She mentioned a series of things you could fast from including the following:

Fast from discontent; Feast on gratitude.


Fast from anger; Feast on patience.

Fast from pessimism; Feast on optimism.

Fast from worry; Feast on divine order.

Fast from complaining; Feast on appreciation.

Fast from negatives; Feast on affirmatives.

All of these are things that anyone, Christian or not, would understand and feel it would be fruitful to fast from- or at least try to work on.  One of the things I decided I wanted to do for Lent is to focus on the positives and actually try to have a fast from moaning if I could.  I used to rarely moan (well, less so) until I became a teacher and somehow I end up having a big moan-fest when I've had a difficult class. Does it help?  Well, apart from being slightly cathartic and making me feel like others understand, well no, not really.  I ALWAYS feel negative about myself and regret moaning, I am aware in retrospect, what a bore I sound and somehow, I find it so easy to get sucked into the moan! In general, I am a positive and bouncy-person, I do try to be the ebullient one, because I know that this is important- my Father tells me to be joyful in all things, but in teaching, it is hard.  Thus, I really do want to try and work on that this Lent.  I have not been totally successful so far- I was a right misery-guts on Saturday, not enough sleep made me irrationally gloomy but we really managed to dispell the gloom by playing music- CBC and I played through a variety of music on flute, cello and keyboard and I felt that cloud rising.  I mentioned this before, but I do believe that God gave me the skills, love and appreciation of music- to glorify him yes, but also because he loves to give us good things that bring us joy and playing music really does that for me!

We went swing-dancing tonight at the 100 club in London and had an absolutely smashing time, I laughed and smiled and CBC's having-to-go-into-school-at-half-term blues were dispelled.  So I am grateful for that!

Here are some other things I am grateful for:
1. My dear sisters and their patience and time today.
2. Knowing what I love
3. Knowing and acknowledging my skills and not hiding them.
4. Having my own bed to return to after staying away at family.
5. The joy of dance!

Beloved: Five minute Friday

1. Write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing.




2. Link back here and invite others to join in {you can grab the button code in my blog’s footer}.



3. Go and tell the person who linked up before you what their words meant to you. Every writer longs to feel heard.

-----

When I think of the word beloved, immediately what comes to mind is that I am beloved of my
Father in heaven.  He knows me and he's there for me.  Or so the Bible tells me.  Sometimes, it is hard to feel that- I sometimes feel that I wish I could hear his voice clearly, knowing that he's definitely with me, hearing clearly that I am where he wants me to be and I am not just doing my own thing. I sometimes doubt whether I am doing what I should be.  Is he there with me?

And yet, I see and feel and have felt through my life, that I am his beloved:  I have been extraordinarily blessed in my life.  I have had so many opportunities to do things, to try things, to go to places, to meet people and I have been safe in many situations that could not have been so.   He has nurtured a side of me that has kept me safe, a caution from a young-age, that is in-built. There is a comfort, deep within me, a sense of being beloved.  I don't necessarily have to have a loudspeaker message saying, "Kezzie, you are mine," to know that I am beloved, that he loves me.  I feel it any time of despair.  Any time I feel I need to run, to be away from things, a calmness comes over me in the knowledge that I AM beloved. I've felt this extraordinary sense of being watched over and loved right from a young age.

One of my favourite songs when I came back to church as a 22 year old was, He brought me to his banqueting table.  The second verse begins with the lines:
"I am my beloved's and he is mine."

CBC said to me once that he didn't necessarily need to say, I love you for me to know that he loved me- it is there in the way he speaks to me, looks at me and in other ways.  That's how it is with God. There is a comfort in knowing that I am his beloved.  And he is mine.

Spring rustlings- 10 things to be thankful for.

How are you doing?  Well I hope.  I am fine.  How are you getting on with any challenges in your life?
I am "enjoying" my Lent/100 days challenge not to buy any clothing items/frivolous items for myself- no really! I am thankful for it.  Even though my headteacher came into school today wearing the Dotty Perks bird-print 50's dress that I saw on Char's blog and instantly wanted!  Danielle (A blog from Blackpool), who initially issued the challenge, spurred me on today with her idea about looking at a list and writing down things you wanted to buy and seeing if you still want them 3 weeks later. I really needed to take on this particular challenge- I am ALWAYS buying something- every week, and it was adding up, not good for me on a whole host of levels.  I needed to stop being so materialistic, Absotively, posolutely!   Anyway, there are an abundance of things I feel thankful for this week:

1.  For the coming of Spring.  My favourite season.  Everything is so POSITIVE. The anticipation, the new life, the surprises, the colours, the increasing light, the changes.  Being surprised by joy each day at some new remembrance of Spring!
2.  For the way sometimes things just WORK!  I spend a lot of time in teaching, lacking confidence, always feeling I'm not good enough, wondering why I do it!  Then, a lesson just goes so well, the majority of the children respond well and you know that what you did was good and right and fitting/
3.  Relating to the above: when someone shares something positive about you.  The TA who was present in a music lesson yesterday said to me at the end of the day, "That was a lovely lesson, I really enjoyed it! I'm going to go home and try and practice!".  It made me feel all warm and appreciated! It really is all I need.  Reassurance that something I do is worthwhile and valued!
4. Similarly, when children say to me, they're happy when I'm looking after their class.  I always think it's a class of "We love whoever is in front of us at the time" but still it's nice they said it!
5.  PPA! (Preparation, planning and assessment time)  Thank God they introduced PPA some years ago! How on earth we would do all the work is otherwise unimaginable!  I didn't get any 2 weeks ago, last week I only got half of it due to Artsmark meeting and next week I have none due to the concert at the Royal Albert Hall.  I am sooooo grateful I have it tomorrow!
6.  Escapism in the form of a good book!  I can forget about those 30 Maths investigation books that need to be marked for a little while!
7.  The Lent course we are doing at church, called Freedom in Christ.  I'm really tired and finding it hard to say much as part of it (I'm usually very talkative!), but it's so positive, clear, easy to understand and positive! Much needed.
8.  I'm as always, thankful for my family.  Though I am shockingly bad at phoning, they are always there, loving me and supporting me!
9. Cycling and sunshine.  Despite not feeling great at the start of Sunday, having a 22 mile cycle in the aftenoon really blew the cobwebs out, gave me a dose of much-needed exercise and vitamin D and a sense of achievement!
10.  The impending holiday.  12 more wakeups till freedom! (though as part of this, I am so grateful to have a job since I know some people would love to have one and others are losing theirs and that is a worrying time.  I am, however, grateful for the holiday that accompanies the job!)

Come on then- put on your flower garlands, wreaths and flowing dresses and join me in saying what you are thankful for! Tell me!!!