Prayers and thoughts

I really liked the prayers from our church Youtube  service the other day, which I have transcribed, and I wanted to share them as they articulate all the things I've been praying and thinking about. Even if you aren't someone who prays, thinking about these issues is important and giving them some time!
I'm glad that I am able to talk to God about these things and share my fears and give petitions.

"We pray this morning for our world, your world. Such great turmoil and distress. We ask for your guidance for all those who bear heavy responsibilities for making International, national and local decisions. For world leaders, for our government and opposition as they seek to make the correct decisions.  For our local councils as they continue to provide services in our local community.
for scientists as they examine data and explore options and for researchers they work to find antidotes and vaccines.  Father, may they act with honesty, transparency and integrity, with clarity of thought and an ability to admit and to learn from mistakes. Lord in your mercy, hear our prayer.

We pray for those who feel that they have a very uncertain future, with no work, reduced income, for those who now rely on food banks, for those who have become homeless.  Father, give them your reassurances and help them, to commit their future to you. Lord in your mercy, hear our prayer.

We pray for those who are alone and unable to meet friends or family. Father let them be aware of your presence and your friendship.

We pray for those who are exhausted, with much more work than usual and with unaccustomed roles. for health professionals and all who are working in hospitals. for those who work in crematoriums and funeral parlours, for those who deliver food and supplies and post. For supermarket workers and takeaway food suppliers, for those who work for foodbanks. For parents who are having to homeschool their children.  For teachers designing online work and teaching children of keyworkers. For children and young people who should be at school and college. Father renew their strength and stamina.

As we remember young people, we think of young families- be with these families as they cope wiht limited outings, who are not able to see relatives and friends.  Lord in your mercy, hear our prayer.

Ass we bring our own congregation to you, bless all preachers and those leading flocks. Thank you that we have the technology to lead and connect. Help us to reach out to those who can't do this.

Pray for all those who are sad because someone they know or love is ill or has died. Also for those who are unwell and have other needs.  In the quiet moment, we lift up others known to us.
Father, uphold and comfort them and help them to know your presence. Lord in your mercy, hear our prayer.

Father. help us to remember your love to us and the certainty and hope we have in you.  Thank you for the constance we have in our families, in our friends, in the season of Spring surrounding us.  And for your unfailing love surrounding us and your saving Grace, that no matter what we have done and whatever happens, you are God who is Emmanuel, God with us, who walks with us through everything.

Merciful Father, accept our prayer for the sake of your son, our Saviour, Jesus Christ.

A-Z of Prayer for this time.

This morning, I have been blessed to share in church services from all my previous churches.  The message I am receiving in abundance is to keep praying.  
One prayer which I heard today was: "Renew our hope, God our Father, by the Holy Spirit's power.  Strengthen us to pray readily, to serve joyfully and to grow abundantly, rejoicing in Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."
The church building may be closed but the church should be out of work.  Palm Sunday was the day Jesus journeyed into Jerusalem, met by the crowds.  We may not be able to physically go on a journey, or meet in crowds but we can meet spiritually in crowds and journey together towards Easter.
I started writing this post during the week, inspired by Sutton Vineyard's creative approaches to prayer for this week.  One suggestion was to pray for each letter of the alphabet.
So I have done.
God bless you and keep you safe this week.

A- Anxiety- Please God, bless all those who are anxious.  Help calm their fears.
B -Boris Johnson- Please God, I didn't like him or vote for him but he is in charge so we better pray he is the best he can be and this is a chance for him to change for the better. Please give him wisdom, discernment and help make him better. I pray you bless ALL leaders such as him to make wise and dilligent choices.
C- Cure- Thank you for those who have studied hard at Science. Lord, I pray you will help our scientists to find a cure for the Virus, curiously quickly- let it be developed quicker.  Please bless the scientists so they can develop a vaccine that will cure the disease.
D- Delivery workers- Thank you for their hard work God. Please God keep all those who are delivering food and goods in anyway- Milkmen, Postmen, Supermarket workers, van drivers,
Ignorance - Lord, for those who are ignorant and stubborn, please make them realise the importance of doing the right thing.
E- Energy: Lord, please give energy to those who are going out to work and energy to face the challenges daily.
F- Faith: Thank you for keeping us safe so far. Please help people to have faith in you God and choose faith as opposed to fear.
G- Governments:  help governments to cooperate and make the right choices.
H - Hospitals- Lord, I pray you will help hospitals to be sanctuaries, clean and with all the equipment needed to help those in
I- Immunity- I pray that those who come into contact with the virus will be immune, that they will have no harmful effects because of disease.  Thank you for those who are immune and have had no ill effects.
J- Joy- Thank you for all moments of joy we still experience despite all the unknowns. I pray that everyone will find joy each and every day. Even the small joys of managing to buy flour, the joy of seeing a rainbow in a window, the joy of being with their family, the joy of a phonecall, help us ALL Lord, to seek and to see clearly, the joys every day.
K- Kindness- Lord, help everyone to show kindness to each other.  Give us opportunities to KNOW where we can help, give us the KNOWLEDGE of how to help others and KINDLE a yearning in us to help others. Thank you for all those opportunities people have taken to be kind to one another.
L - Loneliness- God bless all those who are lonely- because they are alone, because they are isolated for whatever reason. I pray that they will put their trust in you. I pray that those who love them and know them will call them and take away from their loneliness.
M- Miracle- we need miracles in times like now. Lord, I pray you will make a miracle happen. I pray the cure will be found. I pray there will be no deaths on Easter Sunday, I pray that the virus will be cured and not be seen again like the previous SARS.
N- NHS- we pray for the NHS.  God bless and keep our Doctors, nurses, health care assistants, administrators, cleaners and all those who are working to fight the disease. Thank you so much for their hardwork and sacrifice.
O- Opportunity- Lord, the Earth is getting some chance to rest with less vehicles moving around. Thank you for that. I pray that this will teach us that it is possible to make choices to save our Earth from destruction. I pray that our Earth will take this opportunity to recover- air quality, melted icebergs, oceans and rubbish.  I also pray this opportunity makes us notice all those people who do Overlooked but important jobs.  Help us to value them and notice them.
P- Police- Lord, give good health and wisdom to the police as they make sure people are doing the right thing. I pray they have all the equipment and protection they need and that they stay safe from germs, danger and reaction from those they have to reprimand. Thank you for their hardwork.
Q- Questioning- For all those with questions- be they children at home learning and not understanding, for those who are seeking the answers to issues, for those who are questioning their faith, for those questioning how they will get home, for those questioning when life will return to normal, for those who are questioning how they will live their lives after this, I pray you will answer those questions, positively Lord.
R- Rest- help everyone to get the rest they need for recovery, for recuperation time, for rest and good sleep for those who are able to go out of work, for rest for those who are at home to make their immune systems strong. To Revive a spirit of faith in all of us to give us rest in You Lord, that we may find out Refuge, Recovery and comfort in you.
S-Selfishness- Lord, I pray you take away the spirit of selfishness that is making people have secret gatherings, taking too much from the shops, that is causing them to take risks, those who are refusing to accept what is really happening (like Donald Trump)
T- Transformation- Our lives have changed so much over the past few weeks. Transform our lives in a good way as a result of this difficult time, not in a bad way. I pray this will help us all, the rich, the poor, the powerful, the weak, the clever, the ignorant to realise the deep need for change in our lives and to make these changes happen in a good way.
U- Unemployment- for those who are worried about the consequences, for those who have lost their jobs already, for those who are worried how they will survive, Lord, please help those people
V- Vegetables and Vitamins- I pray that everyone will have access to fresh vegetables and healthy foods to give their bodies the best possible chance with all the vitamins they need. I also pray that those growing their own vegetables will be successful. I thank you for all the vegetables we have had access to.
Wealthy- Lord, I pray those who have utter riches such as the super billionaires and moghuls will take the opportunity to share and donate their riches to help the world to recover.
X- Xenophobia- Lord, we've seen a lot of Xenophobia from people as this crisis has grown from fear of foreigners to abuse of Chinese and refugess being refused rights. I pray that there will be no xenophobia and that all, regardless of faith, will be helped.
Y -Youth- we've all heard reports of selfishness and thoughtlessness from youths from those spitting on people to those gathering in the parks. Lord, take away the self-centredness, the arrogance from those who think they can do anything without consequences.  For those youths who are frightened, please reassure them and keep them motivated to work at home/
Z - Zoom- Thank you so much Lord for this program which is helping many, many people work and stay connected. I pray that it will continue to work effectively and not to cause any issues.

Amen.

This was inspired by Sutton Vineyard's challenge to pray the alphabet.

A prayer or happy thoughts request...

If you read this and you either pray or wish good for someone, please could you pray or keep me in happy thoughts. There is a house we realllllllly like that we really want but it is very popular AND it is with the Estate Agent that the house we WERE going to buy was with.  We're rather convinced that he doesn't like us and thinks because of the whole disaster of that, that we are unreliable and scatty (he was rather pushy over using certain solicitors or having already had one ready and about quick decisions) and might possibly avoid giving us a house viewing or putting the buyer off us.  Please could you pray or think happy thoughts that:
a) our fears over the Estate Agent's feelings about us are unfounded and he will be impartial.
b) that the price won't get pushed above asking price over it being so popular.
c) that we will get to see it and make an offer.
d) that if the house is right for us and has no serious faults, that we might get it!

Sorry to put it out there but my friend had an OFSTED today for her pre-school after them getting a Requires Improvement a while back and asked for my prayers and they got a GOOD! So I know it works!


Much love,

Kxxx

Being a Peacemaker

It's funny, I have always thought of myself as being a peacemaker but I'm not sure that it is actually true. Sure, I don't want to rock the boat at times but this is more that I don't like a disturbance or upsetting people by saying things. But being an active peacemaker- hmmm, I think I fail to do that.
Take when I am cross about things, I just moan about them. Moan, moan, moan...
That's not being a peacemaker at all.

But at church today, it was one of those services like Songs of Praise where people could nominate their favourite hymn.

Someone chose Make me a channel of your peace which is supposedly a Franciscan prayer.
And they said how appropriate the words were for the current world crises that are occurring.  Doesn't matter your religion or sentiments, the words are something I would strive to achieve, in order for peace to really be true in this world.  If anyone could take objection to these, I would like to know how. They are beautiful aims.


Make me a channel of your peace.
Where there is hatred let me bring your
love.
Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord
And where there's doubt, true faith in
you.

Chorus:
Oh, Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul.

Make me a channel of your peace
Where there's despair in life, let me bring
hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there's sadness, ever joy.

Chorus:

Make me a channel of your peace
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
In giving to all men that we receive
And in dying that we're born to eternal
life.

Chorus:

What does that mean? What can I do:

• To share peace in all situations
• To be someone who sows love in a situation of hatred rather than bitching about it or inflating the ire further.
• To be forgiving in the case of injury.
• Strengthening others in their faith.
• To be someone who takes their time to console others when life is difficult rather than moaning and expecting sympathy for their own difficulties.
• To try and understand others, their situations and difficulties rather than feeling misunderstood by others.
• To wholeheartedly love others rather than seek for others to love me.
• To be the one who brings hope rather than being that harbringer of doom and gloom.
• To be the light in someone's life not to bring sadness or dark to their situations
• To try and be a joy-bringer when people are sad.
• To always forgive
• To pardon others what they have done wrong.
• To give to others rather than taking.

Ah...that sounds the most excellent of ways to be. It sounds hard but that is an ambition it would be good to strive for rather than any job or other achievement.  That is the most excellent of ways- being a true peacemaker.

xxx

Once insecure, always insecure?

On Saturday, CBC and I travelled to Watford for a day and night of Swing-dance courtesy of JiveSwing, our dance class, which is a big organisation of classes, ours being just one. It was a great day, we had some super classes- the day was held in honour of Frankie Manning's 100th birthday (if he was still alive)- the Father of bringing Swing dance back to the UK in the '80's.

We had two lindy-hop classes, learning a Frankie lindy-stroll and then a dips and tricks workshop. CBC decided he wanted to do some authentic jazz instead so I had to find another partner to dance with and managed to dance with a fun, young guy I met in the queue- it was hilarious as we learned to do these dips. I got the giggles as I had to spend a long time hugging him as we learnt a dip and then a move where I had to swing under his arm. I am suffering today though as my quads are really aching as the move involved rotating in a squat position!

In the evening, I wore the above outfit. I didn't take any photos-crazy for me! CBC just got this slightly blurry one of me- I wore the dress I picked up a while back, worn with my birthday petticoat and a wired headband- I really like these!

Anyway, in the evening, apart from many enjoyable dances together,  CBC was asked to dance lots by lots of ladies. I was asked to dance a few times by some guys although not as many and felt a wallflower at times. It's so silly but the pair of us are so insecure about asking people to dance just in case they think we are rubbish! Everyone else seems perfectly happy to ask other people to dance (it's the way your dancing improves). It's silly because I did spend a some time standing at the edge wishing someone would ask me to dance but like my teenage-self, in my stupid subconscious, didn't want anyone to think that I really wanted to dance, so I didn't get disappointed if they didn't dance.  I am an idiot- I am 33 and should just get on with it.  It's funny though, sometimes I feel much more confident.  Last night, I found myself thinking that the reason is because I always want to do something well and never want to be thought to be bad at something and I am not an expert at lindy and probably never will be, I just love it.

Yet, this morning, I played in my new church for the first time (9am rehearsal after getting to bed at 2am!!!!! I was KNACKERED!).  I KNOW that I am a a capable flautist and I know I play well and I know that when I am in the spirit at church, I will play and worship with my heart and soul. I know from 10 years of playing at my old church that my playing really helps people to worship.  And yet, I was worrying to myself that people would be judging me and didn't want people to say nice things to me just in case they were just being nice, not meaning it! Of all the ridiculous things to think!?!???!!?! Of course they're not, it's just my stupid mind.  Of course, once I started playing, I felt myself fill with the spirit and felt the insecurities fly away.

It's interesting that Stuart, a guy was being baptised today and he talked about how he had faced anxiety in his life and couldn't seem to snap out of it until he gave his life to God. And it struck me, when I feel most insecure and lacking confidence is when I stop praying, speaking to God and reading the Bible, when I've left tiredness and laziness get in the way, just let slip and then all my insecurities come back.  So today, I will reclaim my confidence and be strong in the knowledge that I do have talents that God has given me and I can do well and be strengthened by him in my prayers.  And there may be things that I am not talented at, but they are things I should enjoy because they are God-given and I've been given the freedom to enjoy these! Be the best that I can be but accept that I will not always be the best but I can have the most fun!

Linking to Visible Mondays with dear Patti

Yellow peril

I love the film Summer Magic-  I totally adored Hayley Mills when growing up- she was so sweet and lovely and English!  When I found this Topshop dress in the St Francis Hospice charity shop, it made me think of the yellow dress she wears to the Halloween ball, or maybe some other Hayley Mills film (she seems to wear yellow in Pollyanna too) but I'm not sure which.  I've never been a fan of yellow clothing, although I do have a mustard vintage blouse and beret which I now really like, but when I saw this dress, somehow, I thought it too pretty to leave and bought it! CBC was really surprised when he saw it was yellow but when he saw it on, he said it was really pretty and I looked nice in lemon!

Yes that is my hand. But it doesn't look like it!

I teamed it with gold sandals, white cardie, Balinese shell necklace and a panama from Tiger plus these cute, cute heart sunglasses I found in Tiger when we were hurrying down Tottenham Court Road to meet friends for dinner.


It put me in mind of that saying in Pollyanna, another of Mills' famous films:

"When you look for the bad in mankind, expecting to find it, you surely will."  

It's attributed to Abraham Lincoln in the film although I believe that wasn't exactly what he said.

Now, I take this sentence in two ways.  I love looking for the good in a situation, in a person, trying to see the best in a situation, I love this for encouraging you to have a positive outlook on life.  But at the same time, seeing the bad, offers an opportunity to pray for it- for the situation.  At church today, the talk to the kids before the sermon was about remembering the wrong that we might have done this week, the things we are ashamed of and want to change.  Obviously, as  Christian, I think this is a good thing to do, because I believe that if I confess it and truly try to change, God forgives it. But it's no bad thing for any of us to do even if we aren't Christians- acknowledge and consciously think about changing that.  I put my hand up and said "Gossiping and talking about people,".  I was guilty of that this week- I've been discussing people leaving at work and people being poached to other jobs.  I didn't even think about it being wrong until it came into my mind today- but by talking about it and other's business, I am not giving people a chance to share it themselves, to talk, I might put pre-conceived ideas in people's mind. I wasn't being bitchy or negative, but then I wasn't being helpful.   I was really glad that it had come to my mind. I won't be gossiping at it. It's not my business- it's those people's business- when and what and who they want to tell. He said a saying someone said once: God doesn't rub these things in, he rubs it out.

Later, in the prayers, he asked for people and children to put their hands up and name situations in the world they wanted prayer for.  Now, I don't have a TV and I don't listen to radio and don't really read the newspapers, so I have very little idea of what is going on in the world except for what others tell me and in some ways, I prefer it this way.  Because my life is relatively free of the worries of the world.  But when I considered all the awful things in the world at the moment, such as the situation in the Ukraine, Syria, Nigeria (kidnapped girls), mining disaster,  it's really hard not to feel anxious and worried about all these terrible things that are happening.  But no, I will choose to be calm and pray until something happens! Because worrying doesn't help- it achieves nothing. But praying can do something. And this is a comfort.

Finally, one last thought: is there anything I can pray for you?  No matter how small or trivial it may seem, I would be glad and honoured to.

Linking up to:

Visible Mondays with the gorgeous Patti


What I wore to church with Carolyn McAfee



and Creative Mondays with Claire Justine

oooh and

with my Cath Kidston-recycled cards from last week!!!


*** The title is a quote from Summer Magic

#A pause for Advent 2013: 1

Floss's annual Pause for Advent is back and I am really grateful to be participating. I found taking the time to reflect on some aspect of Advent or Christmas was really useful last year.

This year, I pondered what to write about and as last year, the ideas didn't come to me until the day. As I sat in church this morning, watching a DVD of the new Arch-bishop of Canterbury, Justin Wellby talking at the New Wine conference last summer. He talked about Waiting, Change and Prayer. And it struck me that these were the things to talk about in this pause.

Before Jesus was born, the Jewish people had been waiting SUCH a long time for the Messiah to come who had been foretold. They knew and hoped that He would bring about great change to their lives for the better. They had prayed long and hard for the Messiah to come. They didn't quite know or bargain for what they'd get when Jesus came. He broke the rules of their expectations in many ways.

Likewise, in our lives, we are always waiting for something to happen. Waiting for answers to prayer, for those things that we care so deeply about, that we long for. However, we don't like to wait or always like to pray about them. I know I certainly don't. Analysing my own behaviour in recent times, I want things to change instantly when they aren't the way I want them to be and I try to force the change. I then get frustrated and wound up and certainly do not come across in a patient way to those around me which means I can and do come across as stroppy madam. That is not at all the person I want to be and I have recently faced change in my life - living with CBC after not living with anyone for 5 years. I have been more stroppy Madam in these months than since I was a teenager and I don't like myself. I really don't.

There are things, including this, in my life, that I really need to take patient time to pray about, things that are hard, not ideal, and to wait and to wait patiently. The change may come. It may be a long time coming. But somehow, I am just not praying about them. I think about thinking about praying about them but then it doesn't happen. And I know that I should and that is what I need. It seems to be me me me wound up in myself and not in Christ. I need to take the time and for me, this advent, if I can take the time, as we prepare and wait for the coming of Christ, is to wait and pray. Take the time. Use a prayer journal- I find writing keeps me focused and I speak with more clarity. Spent that time preparing for the coming of Christ and stop stressing about everything I can't do or is not what I want.

This afternoon, I went to a Christmas market on my local highstreet. The streets were all shut off and people were everywhere buying food, drink, presents. It was nice but it was crammed. I didn't manage to find any presents. But I took an hour to go and sing carols in the church there, along with people from the church I have been going to, taking that hour out was so peaceful and joyful. I didn't worry about not having bought any presents. But as I left, as we went to fetch our bikes, I managed to find one present, nothing expensive, but something I thought was rather charming! It was nice to not have worried or forced the issue and then found something when I wasn't expecting it! Please go and visit some other Pausers in Advent over at Floss's who are alot more eloquent and more joyful than I!!x

**********************************

Here are my (more eloquent) pauses from last year: A pause for advent 1: the music of the journey
A pause for advent 2: lies, the truth or a madman?
A Pause for advent 3: Traditions and stories
A pause for Advent 4: Peace

...but you welcomed me

This is the second part of my account of my first days in Indonesia where I was a stranger.
****

I boarded the Night bus to Bali at around 3pm having sat in a cramped office waiting room for about 3 hours with my year's belongings.  Remember the Knight bus in Harry Potter?  Well, when I was ushered onto the bus, I discovered that my coach/bus driver was a complete pyscho!  In my diary I wrote:

Indonesians are crazy drivers!  They swap onto the wrong side of the road, constantly overtake people, speed manically ALL the time, hoot their horns 10 times a second and, for not very good roads, this was scary! 

Bearing in mind this was supposed to be a 23 hour coach journey (which ended up being about 18 hours), you can imagine how hair-raising it was! If they did that in England, the Police would be after them!
When we made our first stop, at a Ruman Makan (eating house)- where I nervously allighted along with my fellow passangers - I experienced my first sense of welcome.  A young guy (around 20) called Andikan and his student friends introduced themselves to me.  They were all 19-21 and were students originally from Sumatra, studying in Jakarta who were headed towards the Hard Rock Hotel in Kuta, Bali to watch an American band.  They kindly took me under their wing, letting me test my Indonesian on them, helping me with pronunciation and vocabulary, letting me talk Englush when I wanted, translating them and generally being kind about things.  It was so so nice to have friendly faces and it was the first glimpse of welcome in this strange (to me) country.  More empathy came in the form of their acknowledging that they had never taken this coach before and they too were terrified! About five times a minute, we felt that death was imminent!

We travelled through the night, jolted here there and everywhere, blasted with horns.  I attempted to seat in my otherwise comfortable seat, desperate to visit the facilities but not daring to attempt the journey to the back of the coach as I was likely to be buffeted into a stranger by the maniacal lurking driving.

The next morning, rather bedraggled and bereft of sleep, we reached the coast at Surabaya to get the boat across to Bali.  Andikan, his friends and I stood on board deck enjoying the breeze, the glorious young sun and the glistening waters and reached Denpasar at the Terminal Bis.  I suddenly thought, that I had no idea what to do.  Did I go to STSI, the arts college I was going to be studying at? Where on earth would I stay?  I didn't know.  I knew my Balinese gamelan teacher was coming to Bali on holiday in 3 days and would be arriving at the airport near Kuta, but in the meantime, where would I go? Stay in dusty old Denpasar?  Andikan and co said that they were going to Kuta and would I like to go with them where they would help me find a hotel.  They were very kind and they chartered a 5-seater taxi to the hotel they had booked to stay in.  All were apologetic, saying was I sure I didn't want to stay somewhere nicer but despite it apparently only being a '1-star hotel', Hotel Ratna was really lovely!   Andikan spoke to the reception, bartering and got me a room for 175,000 Rp per night (around £13. My rent when I eventually found my place to stay would end up being 300,000Rp per month, just under double that but it was a start).   It was clean, air-conditioned, , big white and wooden with drinking water provided, table, chairs, TV, A TOILET, A REAL TOILET, TOILET ROLL, OH TOILET ROLL, A SHOWER!  My words at the time were: "I am in heaven!"  I suddenly felt like I was in a safe place. (despite the fact the bomb happened there, during my year, a few months later)

I changed into my swimming costume and sarong with a top and met the uys to walk down to Kuta Beach, stopping at the amazing Hard Rock Hotel for the boys to pick up their tickets and arrived for sunset.  It was wonderful!  I do think my love of sunsets stems from that day, seeing for the first time, that beauty and majesty of creation, with fresh eyes!  We had great fun swimming and throwing ourselves at the surf waves before we got ready and went to a lovely restaurant for dinner where I ate my first proper meal I could actually stomach since arriving in Indonesia: Gado-gado and Nasi goreng with a chocolate milkshake for (43,000Rp- £3.  Again, in future, my daily budget would end up being 13,000Rp for food but I had just arrived).

We walked back along a vast array of shops selling a variety of goods and it also felt normal (shopping, Kezzie was home!).  I didn't mention that when I was on my way to Java, I was still recovering from a really nasty cold, so after wandering, I felt really tired and was coughing a lot, still jet-lagged so the boys walked me back to the hotel and then went out again to wander.  As I returned, my phone joyfully registered a confirmation message of timings of my Gamelan teacher arriving and texts back from my sister and Mum.  As I prepared to go to sleep, I wrote the words in my diary.  Hope being happier continues.  Thank you God for my Sumatran friends.  It's funny to read that back now, as  a Christian and see that even then, I was thanking God for that.

The next couple of days with Andikan, Marm and co was lovely.  The uncertainty would continue for they were only there for 2 days before having to return to Java, my Gamelan teacher would want to move onto his village to study, and my money was limited- I couldn't stay in Kuta for long, paying hotel rates- I had saved hard from my part-time job and gigs but it wouldn't last long. BUT, those 5 guys had made me feel welcomed and safe.

I was extraordinarily lucky.  Many people who have taken these night buses have been robbed or had people being a bit slimy towards them.  Andikan and his friends were like angels in disguise- they were kind and welcoming but not too much so, they had just the right balance to make me feel safe and trusting of them.   (I exchanged numbers with Andikan but strangely, when I tried to text some time later, the number didn't register.  I wonder where they are now?)

And I did trust them.  I am usually very discerning of characters of people and am not overly trusting, despite my family having the impression of me being a bit naive.  But out of the 100 hundred scholarship students who went to study there that year, I was one of the few who didn't experience some sort of robbing or illness.  I experienced further welcome and aid in the form of the English students over in Solo, Java which might perhaps some day form another story of post, so the story doesn't end. Many difficulties would ensue during my year but there, for those few days, I felt that perhaps it wouldn't be quite so difficult as it had first felt and perhaps I wouldn't remain a stranger. 



*****

This is the second half of the story I shared during the International World Women's day of prayer on the 6th of March.

I was a stranger...

I arrived in Jakarta, jet-lagged and sleep-deprived after almost 24 hours on planes and stop overs.  The stiffling heat hit me.  I gazed, uncertainly at the sea of unfamiliar faces at the arrivals, hounded by cries of, "Hotel," and "Taxi!".  What should I do?  Then a short lady in a suit greeted me- she was the rep, Enny from the Jakarta Education Office.  She led me out into a smoggy exterior and we climbed on a bus.  It dropped us off onto a busy dual carriageway and then she hailed a taxi (she said to only take a Bluebird taxi as they were the safest).   She didn't say much to me.

We arrived at a dingy building called a Wisma Tirta where she left me saying I needed to call a taxi to take me to the Education Office tomorrow and she departed.  I was panicked. The woman at the desk took me to a sparsely-furnished, grotty-looking room with a bed and a blanket and left me.

I let out the breath I seemed to have been holding since I left the plane.  I tried to turn my phone on, desperate to see if my English sim would work here.  There didn't seem to be a signal at first.  I decided that after 24 hours without a shower, that that would be the thing to wash away the day of travel and fear of uncertainty.  In the bathroom, I found squat toilet in the corner and a sink with a tap that didn't work.  That seemed to be it until I noticed a small tap near the floor- I would just have to try and use water from that: even the bathroom made me feel like a stranger: I didn't even know how to use the toilet! (no flush, no toilet roll, just a little scoop.)

Perplexedly, I returned to the room and checked my phone and tried to send a message to my Mum, Step-Mum, Dad and boyfriend, hoping, praying it would send.

I needed some water but you can't drink the tap water in Indonesia.  I wearily crept to the front desk where I tried to use the Indonesian I'd learnt before coming in order to purchase some water but it's very different using language cassettes on your own compared to speaking to a live person.  We couldn't understand each other.  I grew more and more upset and worreid as the 'exchange' continued but finally managed to buy a bottle.  Shaken by this difficult exchange and the feeling of being a foreigner, I returned to my room and gave way to tears of pen-up misery.  Why had I come?  Why, why, why?  What would happen to me?  What was I thinking of, travelling to the other side of the world.  I, who'd never been outside Europe and had never travelled alone, coming out to Indonesia of where I'd live, what I'd do, knowing nobody for a whole year of study in an alien country.  For the first time in a long time, years, I prayed to God to keep me safe and sound, I wrote it in my diary too.  I locked my door and curled up in my sheet sleeping bag from home trying to bear the heat and the 3 mosquitoes who plagued me.   Thank God sleep overcame me.

When I woke, it was light, the next day.  I turned on my phone to have received a mesage from my step-mum and boyfriend- It made me cry once more.
Somehow, with difficulty, I managed to get the still unfriendly front desk to call me a Bluebird taxi.  Fumbling with unfamiliar money, I paid and went into the government building where I had my passport copied. The lady explained that I'd have to catch a night bus to reach Bali which would take 24 hours.  She took me to buy some fruit and took some money to pay for my bus to Bali.  Not knowing what to do or where to go, I returned in a taxi to my accommodation where I tried best to read.

The government lady told me that R, the other English student (who was studying in Java rather than Bali) would be arriving that evening. With hope in my heart, I sat on that humid veranda, reading a book with a heart pounding in anticipation, sitting there being bitten by mosquitoes.  Finally, in the evening, Enny arrived with the English guy. As he came over to say Hello, to my mortification, I burst into tears.  Poor guy, he was jet-lagged and there I was!  He talked for a little while, he was really kind, and then went to his room to sleep.

The next morning, Enny arrived to give me my bus ticket and to take me to the bus station where I had to wait for 3 hours.  It was busy and confusing and I sat there worrying, wishing, oh wishing, that I was back home!  Here, more than anywhere in my life, I felt a complete stranger.  All was alien, unfamiliar, loud, noisy, confusing and I felt wretched.  What would happen to me?


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You may be wondering what this is all about.

It was Women's world day of prayer on Friday, and the theme was I was a stranger and you welcomed me.  I attended a wonderful service, hosted by one of the local Baptist churches.  The service was devised by Christian women in France and women in churches across the whole world would be sharing in this same service.  We didn't have a guest speaker to give a talk like the service planned so they had the idea that instead, we would use the time to turn to the people on either side of us and share a time when we were made to feel like a stranger and a time we felt welcomed.  We each had a ribbon in the French flag colours which we tied together once we'd talked and then we'd end up with a church all connected up by beautiful ribbons so we weren't strangers any more.  It was a beautiful idea and really made me think of this time in my life that I hadn't thought about in a while.

It's getting late and it has taken me a time to write this so I will share how I felt welcomed, maybe tomorrow or very soon.

When have you felt a stranger?

Healing

I am going to share something personal in here. Please read it in the hope that I can be of some comfort to you if you have been in a similar situation or you might be in the future. I don’t usually share this much, but I feel I should here.

 

I’ve been absent from Blogworld for just under two weeks. Apart from one of two of you who I have mentioned it to, you probably haven’t noticed since I scheduled a few posts to publish whilst I was away. It’s been a bit hard but refreshing. There were a few reasons for this. Firstly, my church, for the new year, was having a fortnight of prayer and fasting to prepare the church for the year and to pray about what is in store for us, especially in our centenary year.

 

The reasons for Christian fasting are numerous but often is for trying to hear God’s voice better, spending the time instead with him. It’s not always easy but it is a really good thing.

 

There are various fasts you can do, refraining from certain foods, missing one meal, one meal a day, refraining from food for one day or a longer period. and it does depend on you, your help and what’s right for you, your health etc. It’s not a competition and it’s between you and God. I have exercised various fasts during this period but one thing was, I did want to have a ‘fast’ as it were, from blogging. Because it has tended to take up a lot of my time in recent times and I did think it would be healthy to take time away from it.

 

One thing that I particularly needed to pray about was my health. It was with a shock on Christmas Eve after midnight service, that as I was about to go to sleep, that I discovered a lump in my chest, quite a large one. I was filled with horror at the time. I told and showed CBC. As I went to sleep, I prayed. If I am honest, my prayer has been very sporadic in recent times. It showed/shows, I do find I am lost if I don’t. I got out of pattern. It was Christmas day the next day, so I/we didn’t tell anyone but I was aware of it, all day, praying at any interval. On boxing-day, I continued to think and pray about it. I was worried but I had to trust in God. What else can I do in that situation, but trust. You immediately fear the worst, no matter what rational solutions come to mind. Finally in the evening, just before bed, I told my Stepmum who thankfully works in a Doctor’s surgery. She was off to work the next morning. She told me not to worry. The next day, she managed to get me an appointment for midday. Thank God that she worked there. I saw the Doctor who examined me. She said it was definitely there and it was big but that hopefully because of the size, it might not be so serious, hopefully being a cyst. Because of the time in my monthly cycle, she told me to make an appointment for 1.5 weeks time when I was back from Northumberland. I felt somewhat reassured by that, but again, I had to trust in God.

 

The thoughts came to mind, that what if it was something serious like cancer but I felt protected from worry though it came to my mind every so often. I am the type of person who naturally worries about ‘the worst’ so this is one reason why my faith is so important to me otherwise I would still be that perpetual worrier for everything.

 

When I went back to the Doctor, my family doctor, he examined me and said, he thought, hoped and prayed it was a cyst but of course, sent to the hospital for me to have an appointment. He thought from the size, that it was probably a cyst, apparently, cancerous lumps are usually very small.

 

So there I was, at the beginning of the prayer and fasting with the appointment coming up. In essence, it was the perfect time to pray. I felt fortunate that I had this. Not everyone is that fortunate. Apart from my sister and one or two friends, I didn’t tell anyone though. I thought, that it wasn’t worth telling them until I knew what exactly was what. In essence, it felt like there was more for people to worry about than something that ‘probably wasn’t anything’ and God was on the case through my prayer and it would be selfish to burden them with it. It felt like I’d be attention-seeking to share.

 

It wasn’t until the Thursday the first week, during the devotion at church that said, “By not sharing you deny others a chance to pray for you,” that I realised I needed to share with the small group I was with- 4 others, so I told them the situation. They prayed for me there and then, and subsequently.

 

The night before the appointment, this Tuesday, I did suddenly get worried, more than I had been since Christmas eve/day. I did cry, having read an article in a magazine about a doctor who had had breast cysts and then got cancer. I suddenly felt that I should share with my dear friends at church. I sent a text to them, asking them to pray around about half midnight. I expected others to turn off their phones at night like I do, but apparently not. A dozen loving messages saying they were praying followed. Before I fell asleep that night, as usual, I felt the lump, it was very much still there.

 

The next morning, as I got up and dressed, I felt like I had done every day, for the lump. I couldn’t find it. I felt around and around and it wasn’t there. I was puzzled and somewhat disbelieving. I made my way to school. Every moment, I was alone, I checked again, to see if I could find it. I felt something small that I thought it was, might have been but then I couldn’t find it again. As I walked, I sang with a light mind. I shared with 2 teaching assistant friends of mine who are Christian. The worry I had felt the night before was gone. I was happy, it felt like having been prayed for by all those people might have made it go away.

 

When I got to the hospital and saw the consultant, I told him that it felt like it wasn’t really still there because I couldn’t really find it! After I saw him and he examined me, he sent me for an ultra-sound (as an under-30 year old that’s what you get first.) When I saw the lady, she used the ultra-sound and told me that what was left was/had been a cyst. It looked black on the scan ( I think sinister lumps are coloured as it were). She used a syringe and literally, there before my eyes, sucked out what remained of the lump, the black vanished.

 

She said that breast-cysts may return but always to get checked out if I am not happy with what is there.

 

Regardless of what anyone else thinks, I am quite certain that the prayer of my friends helped- they saved me from much worry, that lump reduced overnight to virtually nothing. I felt in receipt of a real blessing.

 

If you are ever in this situation, please remember: 

• Always get it checked out. 
• Tell people/friends. Do not keep it to yourself. People care, they want to know, they may want to pray. Why miss the opportunity of a blessing- it can only help. You are important. Prayer can’t hurt you, it can only do good.
• Try to see the good in situation. I have learned a lot from this situation. A lot. It has helped me focus in a way I haven’t been able to for ages. I have found so much in the situation. I have seen love from those around me.

I’ve missed you all.

 

xxx

Live life to the full! (and 10 thanks)



Sunset in Florence.  I didn't manage to complete the Scavenger hunt in time for Sophie's Scavenger hunt, but thought I'd share this one.

 Did you read the Metro today.  Apparently there was an article about children who live in a remote area who, in order to get to school, have to climb a tight-rope walk style rope bridge in order to reach their school.  One false move and they will fall to their peril.  Yet they face the challenge daily, not even batting an eyelid, with alacrity even. It is their life and they accept the challenge and continue to strive to get where they need to.  They want to live their life to the full.

How can I live my life to the full?  This doesn't mean busying myself with all sorts of busyness and activities, but looking for what is the right way to live my life.  For me, it is important, that as a Christian, I try to live life, accepting that it IS hard, and it IS tiring and difficult and messy, and yet facing it, trying to be loving, trying to show the love that my Lord has for me and living the way he wants me to live my life.  I am not doing a very good job of that.  Yet, I will not give up, I know that what it is that God wants and I know that if I did things his way, I'd probably be living it life to the full and I want some of that action!  For when I put my mind looking at it in God's way, I should read his word and see it really is living life to the full- I attain a mere 10th of what I could be and what I do live is   Now that, if you are not a Christian, you may think big-deal.  That's fine.  But when I actually look at how God wants me to live my life in the Bible, when I read it, think on the words within, it really is simple.  It is different from the way the world looks at how to live our life and what it tells us should be the way to live our life.  I just wanted to put my stream of consciousness here- I felt because I've said it here, I think about it- it's weird, sharing it with other people makes me think about it more!  I just wanted to put this out there, I felt compelled to write it, does it make any sense or am I waffling?

This leads nicely onto one of my favourite things, finding things I am thankful for:

1.  My CBC- I am smiling and remembering Florence! (Not the Canadian version of the BBC Emily ;-)  )
2.  The joy of knowing that though you made have done something 6 times before, and felt it was hard work, you wondered why you were doing it- the 7th and 8th times can be brilliant!  Case in point- teaching recorder to year 3 for a year:  This is the 4th time I've done it and it's fab this year- it really is.  Same with orchestra- sooo much better!
3.  The beauty of messages- a few words from someone who knows you, in a text, can make your heart soar and be so thankful! 
4.  I am thankful for last night's hot water bottle.  Not only did it keep my feet warm, bbut byy leaking and leaving me with a damp puddle under my feet, it also woke me up when my alarm clock failed!
5. For my little sister managing to get a Christmas job- she's very happy!
6. For the beauty of enthusiasm!  You'd think teaching 9 year olds about Medieval plainchant in Latin, it might turn them off a bit- not a bit of it- I distinctly heard "Yesssssssssss!" from some of the boys in choir when they heard we were singing a song in Latin (Gaudete FYI) after we'd listened to some in our prior music lesson!
7. For the joy that your own joy can bring to other people when you share it!
8. For my church friends- I cannot say how much I love them dearly! All ages, it matters not!
9.  For YOU- it's like coming home to an unexpected parcel finding your kind comments!
10.  For the inventor of the Duvet. Mr Duvet, whereever you are, thank you!

What are you thankful for?

Daisies and prayer tents

This is Post number 700!  Linking to Lakota's Tah Dah tuesday and Annie's Make a month 2012!  I hadn't made anything for a few weeks!  I have a little project I want to attempt (hopefully this will be my make for next week) and I thought I would experiment by making this card first before I put it into practice!  The card was simply achieved by means of white and yellow acrylic paint and a flower punch- I punched a stencil into a moussaka box and used it to paint the flowers above. Simple but cute.  I still had some white acrylic left so I used it up by beginning these cards below in the same way.

On Sunday the 30th September, it was Back to Church Sunday, a day on which churches welcome anyone who might have gone to church and not been for years or anyone new to come back for a service.  At my church, as well as the service, we were having a sort of open hall with stalls and stands telling about what we do and what there is in the church- in addition, there was a big buffet lunch, face-painting, games and the choir was going to sing.  My priest seems to like doing everything last minute, so I was asked and sort of volunteered to put together a prayer tent.  It was going to be outside in the garden originally, so I had a 4-man tent I was going to use though because of the potential rain, it was moved inside. There remained the challenge of creating a nice, cosy, quiet zone in a noisy, high-ceilinged room, where people could pray.  With the help of my creative friend M.  we made use of the playgroup's rainbow parachute to create a tent in the corner of the hall, we managed to tie it to a pulley-rope to raise it to the ceiling and then hook it onto various hooks on the walls- we then manage to anchor it to some chair-legs.  Immediately and surprisingly, there was a sense of quietness and being able to find a quiet place with that.  We got some carpet and laid it down with a variety of pillows from my house.  Chairs were draped with crocheted blankets, A bench set out as well with cushions, so people could feel comfortable in different ways praying etc.

I set out a sparkly book as a prayer journal (with ideas for what people might include in their prayer

such as what they wanted to thank God for, to ask him about, to praise him for and to say sorry for) with a big pot of different pens.  A big pile of different coloured postit notes so people could put up short messages and prayers on the wall, a 24-7 prayer guide, I managed to buy some ESV bibles for people to read and/or take away, some were on the carpet as well. 

I didn't manage to take any good photos of it, these were part of the process, but for a first time of creating a prayer-space, in quite a difficult space to do it, it was ok.

If and when I do it again, there are some things I would include.  It was rather basic, but it was a start and nice to try to create such a space.  It would be nice to have more ideas on the walls- I got some great ideas from the Orison website (a really fantastic resource which Rach is part of, really worth a look and investigate!)- a world map, it would be nice if it could have been a bit darker with some tea-lights, a bubble column would be fantastic for the post-it notes, i would be nice to have more ideas for prayer on the walls- I had no printer access and nothing would stick with the blue-tack to the walls.  Although there weren't loads and loads of visitors, there were certainly some, who were much appreciated and it was nice to meet them and to welcome them to the church. On the whole, even though the space was very basic and not totally what I would have liked to have create, people seemed to really appreciate and use the space.  There seemed to be people in there all the time, the journal had some long entries in it, as it was nearing the end, there seemed to be a large group praying together, who apprecated the larger space the hall afforded. 

Creating a quiet sanctuary for prayer and meditation is all you need as a starting point.