Peace

It's hard to even believe that the events of the last week have even happened. Can we really be in a time when - after/during (because it's not over) a global pandemic, an awful take-over by the Taliban in Afghanistan, the amount of floods, fires, starving people, the energy crises, the devastating realisation that our Earth is in complete jeopardy over the climate crises - that we have a full-scale, unprovoked war on Ukraine?  And  one led by a very ruthless, unpredictable leader who threatens anyone who stands in their way.  One with many weapons of Mass Destruction.  I'm not very good at writing about this type of thing. I am not, as a rule, one who reads or watches the news much, or feels like I have much wisdom or ability to be articulate about such things.  But, I keep looking at pictures of Volodymyr Zelensky and wanting to cry and keep crying.  He has shown such courage and determination.  He has shown what a leader he is.  The Ukranian people are being so brave. I hope and pray that they will succeed and keep control of their country. I pray that Putin will stop what he is doing and that this will not I pray that he will not seek retribution for involvement and start using worse things. I pray that this can all be resolved peacefully and there will not be more bloodshed.  Every spare moment, I pray. I don't know exactly what to pray apart from  for peace and a peaceful resolution, that Ukraine will be free and that there will be no further issues  which does not lead to further conflict, that there will be no further danger.  Sometimes when I pray, I pray, "Please God," where I can't articulate exactly but hope and trust that he knows (there is a Bible quote about praying that expresses what I feel well- "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." (Romans 8:26).  ) I said to my friend, I wish that Putin had some sort of illness that had led him to do this (e.g. he wanted one last ditch attempt to do something) and that he had only done this because he knew his time was limited. Maybe that is naïve and stupid, and I know it's just a babyish thought but the thought went through my head. I told you I'm not very good at writing about this type of thing.

In my Singing assemblies for KS2,we have been doing a Russian theme this term- learning Russian folksongs and learning about Russian composers like Shostakovich (a composer who lived with a suitcase by his front door because he expected to be arrested by the KGB most days).   As I approached by Friday singing assembly with Year 6 & 4, I was planning to teach 'Minka', the next folk song and listen to Shostakovitch's much-loved Second Jazz Waltz.  I wasn't sure what to do...I wanted to carry on with my theme because, what we don't want is the vilification of all Russians and Russian culture or history because that's definitely a bad thing- we have children who are Russian in my school,we know that there are many,many Russians who do not agree with what is going on, and what we have been learning has been very much enjoyed and loved by the children. But at the same time, I didn't want them to think that I wasn't caring about what is going on. So I told the children that we mustn't ever vilify normal people for the actions of their government or leaders  (especially as Shostakovitch was one who suffered because of his leaders) and that we were going to continue with our theme but think about what was going on. Do you think I was wrong? 

Anyway, I wanted to say that I do want to write about my holiday and outfits and things but I haven't been able to bring myself to just yet without mentioning this. It just seems wrong.  I hope I can look back at this post in the future and think that this was the point that things changed. That goodness prevailed. 

Keep praying for peace. Even if you don't pray, even if you don't believe- I think we all need to pray for a miracle, pray for a peaceful outcome to this, to pray that things can change. And do what we are able to do to help. And ultimately, be kind, be loving and be peaceful in those circumstances we can control.

Forgive my rambling.

Much love and hugs to you.

May you sleep soundly.

Waste difficulties

From last Summer.

I've alluded to my wanting to avoid as much waste as I can, particularly of the plastic type.  This, in some ways, is going very well- I've become a lot more organised in preparing for the situations that might need me to use something disposable and manage to avoid having ALL the packaging.
Here are three situations where this has worked.
1.  Macdonalds last week- I asked them to put my chips and burger (I have the one in the paper) in my Lock n Lock box.  I also did the same in Macdonalds at a service station at New Year and KFC after school too (I have to eat on the go on my way to orchestra so I have to grab something takeaway)
2  Taken 3 enamel mugs to my orchestra rehearsals in January which meant CBC, myself and my friend Izzie have not had to use the polystyrene cups the orchestra provide.
3.  Carrying my spork, stainless steel straw, insulated mug, plastic container and paper bag around in my rucksack means I haven't had to take take any disposable items - my friend Izzie took her left-over chips and mushy peas from the chipshop restaurant home in my plastic container so she could eat them today.
But, I had a moment today which I don't think I dealt with well and I wonder what you might have done as me.

We went to Wagamamas for dinner and I had ordered a raw juice. When I saw them serving someone else's, I saw they had straws in so I quickly went up to the bar and asked them if it would be possible to have my drink without a straw. She said they were paper,if I was worried, but I still asked if I could have the drink without one.  The girl behind the bar said that was fine. 
When our waitress turned up with our drinks, there were straws in the drinks.  I said, "But I asked not to have a straw.".  She said she was sorry she didn't know - she said she could take it away and I said yes please. CBC said to me that I should just take it now since they have put it in the drink and said I was being obsessive over it.    But that's not the first time it has happened- I've asked for no straw before and been bought one in my drink.   When the waitress came back, I said to her, I wasn't annoyed with her, but it was just that I had asked at the bar, for them not to give me straws. 

The point is, I wondered what you would have done in the situation?  Would you have kept quiet and just used the straw? I'm still not sure- I feel like I wanted to say something but perhaps I need to develop a way to say it where my anxiety over it doesn't make me come across in a way I don't want to come across (if you know what I mean?)

xx

What do I do with it?

 I hate to seem ungrateful but occasionally you receive a present you just do not know what to do with.

A child in year 4 told me she had made something for me.  It was after another child had given me a Christmas present and I felt like perhaps she saw that (and saw my grateful reaction) and wanted to give me something also.  She presented me with this. As in handed it to me without wrapping.  Apparently it is Slime.  There is some sort of obsession with slime with the kids at school at the moment.  I don't quite get it. I have always disliked slime and things of that ilk from when I was very young.  She said she had made it for me and I had to make sure it was kept upright. Because I thought she had given me to me because the other child had, I said to her that it was hers and if she had made it, she should keep it and I didn't expect any kids to give me presents and they shouldn't worry.  She said that she didn't want it (which then made me wonder also if she was offloading it?)

Anyway, I graciously accepted it as there wasn't much else to do.  CBC spotted it at home the other day and immediately asked what on earth it was.  I told him and he told me I had to get rid of it.  Number 1, we don't have ornaments of this ilk, number 2, I am not a pink person and 3, well, I really don't like slimy things.  Thus, I wanted to acquiese but I genuinely don't know how to dispose of it. Obviously, this is not a charity shop donation situation. What IS in there?  How am I going to dispose of it given I don't know how viscous it is, what it is made of?  It's got glitter in it which we know is plastically. I do not want to just throw it in the bin as it is as that is not eco-friendly- I do want to be able to tip it out somehow. I am the person who will always clean jars and containers out, no matter how horrendously mouldy the contents are- I will not just take the easy option and just chuck something out fully as it is.  I feel terribly  ungrateful in this situation- I appreciate the gesture, intention and the sentiment but realistically, HELP, what do I do?

Have you ever been in a situation like this?

And WHAT DO I DO?

Keep calm and carry on

I had something horrid happen at work today.  I'm trying to pray about it and not stress until whatever happens, happens, but I do know my mind which wanders around in the worry- things pop into my mind, no matter how much I try to think of something else.  Things do happen that would not happen as we might expect but still we have to accept responsibility for our errors.


I was commenting on Danielle's post on Underland to Wonderland and she included this quote:

Can there be happiness without sadness? Pleasure without pain? Peace without war?

'Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain.'

A Suffolk rainbow

And it made me think of this chapter from Ecclesiastes which I think is profound whether or not you believe in God or not- it really does make sense. I went and read it after mentioning it on Danielle's post (excellent blog by the way- do visit) 

A Time for Everything     and a season for every activity under the heavens:     a time to plant and a time to uproot,     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.     and what will be has been before;

    and God will call the past to account.
    in the place of justice—wickedness was there.
    both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
    a time to judge every deed.”

There is a time for everything,

    a time to be born and a time to die,

What do workers gain from their toil?  I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race.  He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.  That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.  I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Whatever is has already been,

 And I saw something else under the sun:

In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,

I said to myself,

“God will bring into judgment

I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals.  Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless.  All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return.  Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”

 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

Reading it did bring me some comfort.   Sometimes there are rainclouds in life, big nasty, horrible grotty rainclouds. But perhaps some good will come out of them in the form of the rainbow. I've had lots of lovely, loving texts and phonecalls from friends who care and that is like a rainbow every time. It has shown me that people do care.

I tried to some good deeds today for people, who were really grateful for what I did, I was commenting to my friend and she said, "Yeh, you kind of think you might get good karma for that," and then that happens and  "You wonder why you bother."

Well, just because the ending had a horrid sting to it, doesn't mean I shouldn't be glad I did something nice. I should continue doing something nice and find something positive in the gloom. 

I hope your day is full of love, joy and rainbows.

xx

...but you welcomed me

This is the second part of my account of my first days in Indonesia where I was a stranger.
****

I boarded the Night bus to Bali at around 3pm having sat in a cramped office waiting room for about 3 hours with my year's belongings.  Remember the Knight bus in Harry Potter?  Well, when I was ushered onto the bus, I discovered that my coach/bus driver was a complete pyscho!  In my diary I wrote:

Indonesians are crazy drivers!  They swap onto the wrong side of the road, constantly overtake people, speed manically ALL the time, hoot their horns 10 times a second and, for not very good roads, this was scary! 

Bearing in mind this was supposed to be a 23 hour coach journey (which ended up being about 18 hours), you can imagine how hair-raising it was! If they did that in England, the Police would be after them!
When we made our first stop, at a Ruman Makan (eating house)- where I nervously allighted along with my fellow passangers - I experienced my first sense of welcome.  A young guy (around 20) called Andikan and his student friends introduced themselves to me.  They were all 19-21 and were students originally from Sumatra, studying in Jakarta who were headed towards the Hard Rock Hotel in Kuta, Bali to watch an American band.  They kindly took me under their wing, letting me test my Indonesian on them, helping me with pronunciation and vocabulary, letting me talk Englush when I wanted, translating them and generally being kind about things.  It was so so nice to have friendly faces and it was the first glimpse of welcome in this strange (to me) country.  More empathy came in the form of their acknowledging that they had never taken this coach before and they too were terrified! About five times a minute, we felt that death was imminent!

We travelled through the night, jolted here there and everywhere, blasted with horns.  I attempted to seat in my otherwise comfortable seat, desperate to visit the facilities but not daring to attempt the journey to the back of the coach as I was likely to be buffeted into a stranger by the maniacal lurking driving.

The next morning, rather bedraggled and bereft of sleep, we reached the coast at Surabaya to get the boat across to Bali.  Andikan, his friends and I stood on board deck enjoying the breeze, the glorious young sun and the glistening waters and reached Denpasar at the Terminal Bis.  I suddenly thought, that I had no idea what to do.  Did I go to STSI, the arts college I was going to be studying at? Where on earth would I stay?  I didn't know.  I knew my Balinese gamelan teacher was coming to Bali on holiday in 3 days and would be arriving at the airport near Kuta, but in the meantime, where would I go? Stay in dusty old Denpasar?  Andikan and co said that they were going to Kuta and would I like to go with them where they would help me find a hotel.  They were very kind and they chartered a 5-seater taxi to the hotel they had booked to stay in.  All were apologetic, saying was I sure I didn't want to stay somewhere nicer but despite it apparently only being a '1-star hotel', Hotel Ratna was really lovely!   Andikan spoke to the reception, bartering and got me a room for 175,000 Rp per night (around £13. My rent when I eventually found my place to stay would end up being 300,000Rp per month, just under double that but it was a start).   It was clean, air-conditioned, , big white and wooden with drinking water provided, table, chairs, TV, A TOILET, A REAL TOILET, TOILET ROLL, OH TOILET ROLL, A SHOWER!  My words at the time were: "I am in heaven!"  I suddenly felt like I was in a safe place. (despite the fact the bomb happened there, during my year, a few months later)

I changed into my swimming costume and sarong with a top and met the uys to walk down to Kuta Beach, stopping at the amazing Hard Rock Hotel for the boys to pick up their tickets and arrived for sunset.  It was wonderful!  I do think my love of sunsets stems from that day, seeing for the first time, that beauty and majesty of creation, with fresh eyes!  We had great fun swimming and throwing ourselves at the surf waves before we got ready and went to a lovely restaurant for dinner where I ate my first proper meal I could actually stomach since arriving in Indonesia: Gado-gado and Nasi goreng with a chocolate milkshake for (43,000Rp- £3.  Again, in future, my daily budget would end up being 13,000Rp for food but I had just arrived).

We walked back along a vast array of shops selling a variety of goods and it also felt normal (shopping, Kezzie was home!).  I didn't mention that when I was on my way to Java, I was still recovering from a really nasty cold, so after wandering, I felt really tired and was coughing a lot, still jet-lagged so the boys walked me back to the hotel and then went out again to wander.  As I returned, my phone joyfully registered a confirmation message of timings of my Gamelan teacher arriving and texts back from my sister and Mum.  As I prepared to go to sleep, I wrote the words in my diary.  Hope being happier continues.  Thank you God for my Sumatran friends.  It's funny to read that back now, as  a Christian and see that even then, I was thanking God for that.

The next couple of days with Andikan, Marm and co was lovely.  The uncertainty would continue for they were only there for 2 days before having to return to Java, my Gamelan teacher would want to move onto his village to study, and my money was limited- I couldn't stay in Kuta for long, paying hotel rates- I had saved hard from my part-time job and gigs but it wouldn't last long. BUT, those 5 guys had made me feel welcomed and safe.

I was extraordinarily lucky.  Many people who have taken these night buses have been robbed or had people being a bit slimy towards them.  Andikan and his friends were like angels in disguise- they were kind and welcoming but not too much so, they had just the right balance to make me feel safe and trusting of them.   (I exchanged numbers with Andikan but strangely, when I tried to text some time later, the number didn't register.  I wonder where they are now?)

And I did trust them.  I am usually very discerning of characters of people and am not overly trusting, despite my family having the impression of me being a bit naive.  But out of the 100 hundred scholarship students who went to study there that year, I was one of the few who didn't experience some sort of robbing or illness.  I experienced further welcome and aid in the form of the English students over in Solo, Java which might perhaps some day form another story of post, so the story doesn't end. Many difficulties would ensue during my year but there, for those few days, I felt that perhaps it wouldn't be quite so difficult as it had first felt and perhaps I wouldn't remain a stranger. 



*****

This is the second half of the story I shared during the International World Women's day of prayer on the 6th of March.