So near yet so far...

I need to blog, because I will burst if I do not write or say outloud what I am feeling right now!
I don't think I can do this.
I have school tomorrow, and I am not ready. I haven't finished my planning. Well, I have all the planning done that I can do for this week, but it isnt very good. I don't have all my resources ready, I am scared of failing and worried and I know that my teacher is going to be really angry. She is fab and I don't want to disappoint her, or sell those kids short. I have tried, but I just get stuck. I am too disorganised. I am trying to use a different planning format using the weekly plan format. I don't feel like I am going to pass. Really. Ahrgh!
I miss my old tutor. I wish I had stayed for an individual session with my new tutor on Friday to tell him how I am feeling about this. I wish I hadnt spent 4 hours in the library photocopying resources which I probably wont use anyway. I wish I had phoned my class teacher to tell her how I was feeling and to see what she expects before now.
I am aimlessly wandering around on this planning. I need to go to bed and sleep, but I am worried and I feel I need to try and get something else done.
I have enjoyed very little of this half term, as I have spent most of it worrying. Why do I waste time like that?

I really want to do this well, but I keep screwing up. I keep wasting time. I keep spending hours looking for resources and not understanding what I am doing. I feel inadequate and a fraud for having been offered jobs when there are so many more people that could do a better job than me.

I feel like I am surviving on Grace alone...

*Sigh*